11.12.2005

Vegas, Baby, Vegas

Slate reports things in Vegas are cooling off. They blame a slowing economy, Indian casinos, blah blah fricken blah.

Here’s my theory:

The sleaze and cheese of Las Vegas has been replaced by an upscale atmosphere The average American can fake being upscale once in a blue moon, but he or she isn’t going to be able to do it on a regular basis.

Vegas went through its glamour period, its cheesy period, its family period, and now seems to be trying to get back to its glamour period. I say: Bring back the cheese and sleaze!

I liked the sleaze and cheese. I liked looking for the best $5.99 buffet. I liked getting a hotel room for $25. But now, Vegas has turned into some sort of cross between Maxim and Playboy. I don’t have $200 for a room and $30.00 for every meal. And I don’t have the looks or money to hook up with the supermodels now frequenting Vegas. Where have my four-tooth-havin’, truck driving women gone?

Plus, last time I left Vegas, going from my hotel to the airport, I mysteriously morphed into a goddamn ATM. I tipped the bellboy. I tipped the guy who opens the door for the cab. I tipped the cabbie. I tipped the skycap. What the fuck is that all about? I should have just pretended I was from Europe and not tipped anyone. It would also excuse why I stink. Two birds with one stone.
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