6.22.2006

WMD's Found!

OMG! They finnally found the WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION in Iraq! See? It was all worth it. We know this because Man-On-Dog Rick Santorum said so:
"Congressman Hoekstra and I are here today to say that we have found weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, chemical weapons," Santorum said. "Since 2003, coalition forces have recovered approximately 500 weapons munitions which contain degraded mustrade or sarin nerve agent."
Degraded? Hmmm...that sounds fishy. I wonder what that could mean?

Oh.
Santorum, in making his announcement Wednesday, was apparently referring to shells from before the Persian Gulf war whose chemical agents, sarin and mustard gas, were badly degraded.
So these were pre-1991 weapons that no longer work. I'm sure the dead and their families don't care.

While these brainiacs are at it, I hear Iraq also has huge stockpiles of Dihydrogen Monoxide.
Dihydrogen monoxide is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills uncounted thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe tissue damage. Symptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive sweating and urination, and possibly a bloated feeling, nausea, vomiting and body electrolyte imbalance. For those who have become dependent, DHMO withdrawal means certain death.
And a little bird also told me that sodium chloride can be found at various locations throughout Iraq. Stanford University declares sodium chloride to be a "...poison, suspect cancer, skin irritant, lung irritant, eye irritant".

So, onward Christian soldiers! Your mission has been validated!

(For the gullible, "dihydrogen monoxide" is water, and "sodium chloride" is salt.)
Post a Comment