Who is this is?

When somebody sends you a text message wishing you a Merry Christmas, replying "Who is this?" is simply NOT an option, okay?

Obviously that person thought enough of you to save your name/number and include you in on a depersonalized bulk text message. Just text back "thanks" or "you too!". no need to make the texter feel like a dejected loser and quietly cry himself to sleep.

Not that that ever happened to me five times or anything. Nah, nope, not me.



Attention Presidential candidates:

Please wait a couple of days before you start using the assassination of a political figure as campaign fodder. Please. It fucking makes me sick.

Thank you.

P.S. Hey CNN, Fox, MSNBC, et al, fuck you for fueling this crap.

Movies 2007

Oh boy, end of the year lists! These are all of the movies released in 2007 that I saw, ranked from best to worst. Now, there are 18 movies on this list, and there was only one that was really bad, only three that I thought were flawless, and in the middle, a bunch of really good to pretty good movies. I could honestly recommend them all but the last one.

1. No Country For Old Men

As I read the book last year, the movie was already playing in my mind. In my mind, Quentin Tarantino directed, and Tommy Lee Jones plays the sheriff. Then I found out it really was going to be a movie, directed by the Coen Brothers, and starring Tommy Lee Jones as the sheriff. Awesome. The book really does read like a movie, but it's eerie how much the movie resembles exactly the movie that played in my mind. The mood and cinematography is absolutely dead on. Just a great, great film. Javier Bardem should get a best supporting actor nod for his dead on portrayal of Anton Chiguhr.

2. The King Of Kong

A documentary about the world record for Donkey Kong? Yep. And it's great. At first, you are convinced that this is a Christopher Guest-style mockumentary, but it slowly dawn's uopn you that omg these guys are for real. Starring a larger than life villain (you'll be constantly saying "this guy can't be real"), a modest hero, and a supporting cast that must be seen to be believed (A video game "referee" who wears a referee's shirt?), you have to see this.

3. Knocked Up

Not as funny as The 40-Year-Old Virgin, but still piss your pants funny at times.

4. Rescue Dawn

I love Werner Herzog, I love Christian Bale, and I loved the documentary, Little Deiter Needs To Fly, that Rescue Dawn is based on. I liked 90% of this. I hated the sappy parts, which is weird, since unlike most movies, the sappy parts here actually happened.

5. The Wind That Shakes The Barley

Beautifully filmed portrayal of showing how the Irish fight for independence morphed into a civil war.

6. American Gangster

Good flick, but was a lot of filler. If it was paired down by a half hour or so, it could have been great. Sometimes I love Denzel, sometimes he's just too Denzel for me. I liked him here.

7. Alpha Dog

I took interest in this movie because I was already quite familiar with the real life case it was based on. Then I heard Justin Timberlake was going to be in it. Ugh. Funny how things work, he was really good, and I left the movie kind of a fan.

8. Grindhouse

This would have been higher, but while I loved Tarantino's Death Proof, I didn't really care for Planet Terror. The soundtrack for Death Proof is quite good, too.

9. Zodiac

Like American Gangster, almost great, just too many unnecessary components.

10. Breach

I'm a sucker for Cold War spy dramas, especially when based on actual events.

11. Sicko

Eye opening indictment of the health care system. But some of the points were lost on me (is Moore saying the government should subsidize nannies?), and the Cuban segment was guilty of typical Moorian romanticism. But yeah, still, you should probably see this if you haven't.

12. Reno 911: Miami

Dumb. Stupid. Juvenile. Which means I was constantly lol'ing.

13. The Hoax

Overlooked, but a really entertaining true story involving a faked biography of Howard Hughes. Alfred Molina is stellar.

14. Superbad

Definitely the weaker little brother to 40-Year-Old Virgin and Knocked Up, but still funnier than 95% of what's out there. Might have rated higher if I didn't despise the vile Seth character.

15. 3:10 To Yuma

Would have rated higher if I never saw Deadwood, whose brilliance will probably forever ruin all future Western related movies.

16. Michael Clayton

Good stuff, but I was thoroughly confused for the first fifteen minutes. Not as confused as Syriana, mind you, but confused nonetheless. Is confusion Clooney's new MO?

17. Juno

Oh boy, really mixed feelings here. I mean, I wanted to love it's quirkiness, but it just got annoying. The title character was just a 2007 version of Daria, and I couldn't find any room to find her likable at all. Name dropping the Melvins and Sonic Youth reeked of desperation to appear hip, and every time Juno said "hells yeah" or some other hipster phrase, I blushed with embarrassment. And the soundtrack. Oh my god it's hideously bad in it's attempted cuteness. Still though, I kinda liked it, although I am quite sure it will be the most overrated movie of the year - Napoleon Dynamite 2007, no doubt.

18. The Heartbreak Kid

God awful. The Farrelly brothers comedy reign has passed. It's Apatow time, y'all.

So that's my list. There Will Be Blood would have probably cracked my top 3 if it was playing anywhere near me, but that's how the cookie crumbles.


my sweet satan

Breaking News

Michael Jackson's tiger, let out of its pen by Britney Spears, has killed a missing baby in a well. OJ could not be reached for comment.


That Friggin' Song

Okay, you know that YouTube thing that's been going around for years now, where that house has a ton of lights synchronized to THAT song? What the hell song is that? Now I hear it on commericials, sports, the news, everywhere, and it is (and has always been extremely annoying). When did this song, whatever it is (along with the equally annoying Carol of the Bells - "give a give a Garmin") become the official song of Christmas?

Please stop thinking this garbage is "cool" cause it's got guitars and shit. It's not. It's just Mannheim Steamroller for the under 50 crowd.

Also, synchronizing lights. Stop it, idiots. There's like, global warming and shit, dincha hear?

K, I think that's the last of my Grinchness. Have a Merry Christmas everyone!

Tv Funhouse A Peanuts Christmas

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Xmas Lollapalooza

Just hit play and enjoy a punk Christmas. Or skip around. I don't care.If you want to download any of them, click on the divshare logo, then click "download orginal". It's almost 2008, this ain't brain surgery, you can figure it out.


My Emo Moment

I'm moving back to San Diego.

I moved to Sacramento a little over three years ago with a plan. See, I was working for the State of California down there, but I was in a pretty low paying job. There are not a lot of state jobs down there, so I decided I would move up to Sacramento, and try to work my way up the state ladder. When I was in a position I liked, I would try to transfer back to San Diego and and settle down for good. And that time has finally come.

Except, it's not going to be as easy as I thought.

See, I did live up in Sacramento for about six months in 2002. It turned out to be one of the low points in my life. All the shit I went through over the preceding five years finally hit me like a ton of bricks. I won't go into detail except to say that it thoroughly sucked and the city of Sacramento became the scapegoat for all my problems. When I left, I swore to never come back.

Except, of course, I did.

So when I decided to move back up here, I just prayed it wouldn't be for long. Three years later, I gotta admit part of me is sad to go.

Now, Sacramento is absolutely a disaster. Anyone who has talked to me for five minutes has heard all my complaints: the traffic, the lack of freeways, the fucked up way the few freeways there are are named, the difficulty in getting from point A to point B, the abundance of ghetto areas, the timing of stoplights, the lack of good taco shops, the overrated state of food (especially sushi), and on and on.

But this time around, I met a whole host of kick ass people. People I consider friends. People who now have a free place to stay in San Diego. People who better come visit. Do you think I could have possibly made it for three years up here if not for you?

You know who are. You're not my "Sacramento" friends. You're my friends. Period. And I am going to miss your stupid faces.

At least until I shack up with some skank and drop you all like a bad habit.



Punk Christmas

Strange Reaction has a punk Christmas podcast up for your yuletide pleasure. Here's the track listing, so head over and enjoy. Oh, and don your gay apparel.

01. Ripcordz - Dont Fuck With Santa Claus
02. 4 Skins - Merry Christmas Everybody
03. Showcase Showdown - Merry Christmas, I Fucked Your Snowman
04. Jingle Punx - Away In A Manger
05. Wards - Santa’s Cadillac
06. The Clap - Christmas in a Bodybag
07. The Damned - There Ain’t No Sanity Clause
08. The Vandals - I Don’t Believe In Santa Claus
09. Jet Boys - Merry Christmas Fuck You
10. Stiff Little Fingers - White Christmas
11. Mistreaters - Santa Stole My Baby
12. Bad Lieutenants - Christmas Time Bomb
13. New Bomb Turks - Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)
14. Anti-Heroes - All Hail Santa
15. Descendents - Christmas Vacation
16. Sloppy Seconds - Hooray For Santa Claus
17. Camp Kill Yourself - Shitty Christmas
18. Crucial Youth - Christmastime For The Skins
19. Johnny Hobo and the Freight Trains - I Want Cancer For Christmas
20. The Fall - Jingle Bell Rock
21. The Macc Lads - Jingle Bells
22. Impact - Punk Christmas
23. Anti Nowhere League - Snowman
24. Peter and The Test Tube Babies - I’m Getting Pissed For Christmas
25. Thee Headcoatees - Santa Claus
26. MxPx - Christmas Night Of Zombies
27. Metal Mike - Deck The Halls
28. Born Against - Xmas Eve
29. The Dickies - Silent Night
30. Vindictives - Nuttin for Christmas


DVD's For Sale

One of the few things I have good taste in is movies. And I'm selling all mine. Score. So let's help each other out, your hard earned moolah for my awesome movies.

My Ebay Auctions! (You'll might to go through a page of CD's and books)


Second String - 12 Days Of Christmas

Second String was a ragtag assembly of members of various San Diego punk bands. See, in the early/mid 90's, there was a Christmas album called "Lump Of Coal", and Second String was thrown together out of the bands that appeared on the comp. I don't remember all of them, but Carter Peace Mission, Spazboy, Dodgeball, and the best San-Diego-band-not-named-Rocket-From-The Crypt, The Neighbors, were all involved. I sold my copy of "Lump Of Coal" on eBay, but I saved this song.

Second String - The 12 Days of Christmas

Hi, I'm a PC

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Okay, you've seen the Mac vs. PC ads. They are ads supposedly for the Mac. But leave the debates about which computer is better, and focus on the two representatives of the computers. Who do you like more? Who would you rather be friends with? The answer is rather obvious, which makes me wonder why you would choose someone so damn likable to represent your competition?

Haiti deserves an apology

In the 90's, whenever one wanted to explain why more home runs were being hit in baseball, the scapegoat became Haiti. Baseballs used by MLB were manufactured in Haiti. I remember all these theories about how baseballs were being wound tighter by the impoverished Haitian workers, creating a "rabbit ball" which "jumped" off the bat. Turns out it was a bunch of testicle-shrunken-roid-ragers reponsible for the inflated numbers. So, Haiti, on behalf of the United States and Canada, we're sorry.

Oh, I should state that I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm sure there's science backing up the rabbit ball theory, it just seems like we always have to scapegoat some impoverished non-white group of people.

Also, I don't really give a shit about steroids. I mean, I do, but I don't. I'm not thrilled about it, but it's been obvious for a while, so I wish people would quit faking their outrage about it. Yes, I will keep watching baseball, keep going to games, keep rooting for the Padres. It's friggin entertainment. I'll save my outrage for something more important.


New Bomb Turks - Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)

Without an iota of hyperbole, I can say there aren't many bands in the history of music as good as the New Bomb Turks.


Gloria (punk Xmas)

The Yobs (i.e. The Boys) doing Gloria, one of the less offensive songs from their 1980 Christmas Album. I'll probably sneak one of the offensive ones in before the big day.



Should I be embarrassed to be excited that American Gladiators is coming back? Cause I'm not. Embarrassed, that is. I am, however, excited.

AFC West Champions

It was ugly at times getting there, but they got there.

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By xpadrex


More eBay music

I have no idea why I feel inclined to do this. Yet I feel inclined.

The Yuppie Pricks - Coke Party

Strike Anywhere - You're Fired

The Selby Tigers - Droid

Ink and Dagger - The Road To Hell

The Thumbs - All Lesser Devils


Songs from my eBay auctions

Replacing my CD's with vinyl cuz I'm a hipster dufus like that.

Oblivion - Before You Go Away

Spoke - Antihistamine

Fishsticks - Flamethrower

Holding On - Just Another Day



Season six of Curb Your Enthusiasm can be summed up in one word: Leon. Leon simply owned the show. Every scene he was in ended with me practically pissing myself.

Be it Long Ball Larry,

to bringing da ruckus to da ladies,

to getting in that ass,

to Barack Obama, MF'er!,

Leon never failed to disappoint. He should be in everything ever.


Why is Sherri Shepherd on TV?

Apparently, Jesus is Adam, because there was no one before him,

and the world is flat.

Flat Earth Society (Bad Religion)


CougarAir has competition

Got this in my inbox the other day.

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Of course, I booked my ticket immediately. I don't really care where I'm going.


Happy Thanksgiving

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Hope everyone has a safe Thanksgiving.

Thanks to Mark and his family for having me over.



Isaiah Thomas, coach of the New York Knicks, was upset with his team. So he threw them all out of practice.
A desperate Isiah Thomas kicked his entire team out of practice Monday. The Knicks' embattled coach was unhappy with their work habits.... According to a source close to the team, Thomas tossed his players off the court at their practice facility in Greenburgh after he became frustrated with their lack of hustle and focus. The players eventually returned but not until Thomas had made his point. It is unclear if the assistant coaches ran the workout, but the players were in a somber mood when practice ended.
Ah, brings back memories of my (allegedly) athletic days. The year was 198....fuck....7? 8? I don't know. All I know is it was sophomore year, and I was on the JV baseball team for the might Tigers of Lemoore High. We sucked, and we knew it, so we didn't take things as seriously as our coach probably wanted us to.

Well, one day, we are about to start practice, and our coach notices that one of our players is wearing a golf visor instead of a baseball hat and another is wearing ankle socks with stirrups. Yes ankle sock with stirrups. Coach fucking loses it. A bat goes flying and he tells us all to get the hell out of there. Practice canceled.

So we're in the locker room, shamed. A group of guys realizes what has happened and a discussions starts. "Hey guys, let's go out there and practice on our own. Show coach that we are serious."

Me, Mark, and a couple of other guys look at each other. Yes, indeed, this would be the perfect opportunity to show coach we care.

So we responded, "Fuck that. Coach said go home, so we're going home."

The Knicks are pussies for going back to practice.

The Burgundy Loaf

Apparently, in Taiwan, they get a kick out of eating while sitting on the shitter:

Hmmm, where have I seen that before? FRENCHIE!!!

What Would Jesus Pay?


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Abortion Punch

I've had this song stuck in my head since I heard it on a Strange Reaction podcast. It's simple, stupid, immature, crass, out of tune, and just plain wrong. In other words, I fucking love it.

The Facialz - Abortion Punch

Oh joy! There's even a video. I don't really follow the punk scene like I used to, so I'm really out of the loop. I kind of assumed it got taken over by the girl-pants-wearing emo kids, but various mp3 blogs have given me hope in the kids.

Madden & Michaels

I don't really care what you think about the Patriots running up the score, (personally I think it's rather assholish behavior, but it doesn't keep me up at night or anything), but the new conventional wisdom of "it's not the Patriots fault, it's the job of the defense to stop them", is fucking stupid. If they were in any way capable of stopping them, there would be no running up the score in the first place, right genius? But even stupider is hearing Al Michaels and John Madden continually try to defend it. They are bad enough as it is, and listening to them suck the Patriot teat makes Sunday Night football unbearable.


Cy, Bitches

Your National League Cy Young winner:

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Why I bought a Zune

Apple is a muhfuggin cult.
A recent survey of NYU students found that 66 percent would forfeit their right to vote in next year's presidential election for year of free tuition, which actually seems low when you remember that a year's tuition costs a staggering $33,268 (not including room and board). Twenty percent would swap suffrage for an iPod touch.

American Pastoral

I finally read American Pastoral by Philip Roth. Took a while to suck me in, but once it did, it was amazing. Completely worthy of all the accolades. Plus, towards the end, is one of the best and truest passages I've ever read. Kindergarteners should be required to memorize this, as it's probably the best life lesson they could get.
How to penetrate to the interior of people was some skill or capacity that he did not possess. He just did not have the combination to that lock. Everyone who flashed the signs of goodness he took to be good. Everyone who flashed the signs of loyalty he took to be loyal. Everyone who flashed the signs of intelligence he took to be intelligent. And so he had failed to see into his daughter, failed to see into his wife, failed to see into his one and only mistress - probably had never even begun to see into himself. What was he, stripped of all of the signs he flashed? People were standing up everywhere shouting, "This is me! This is me!" Every time you looked at them they stood up and told you who they were, and the truth of it was that they had no more idea who or what they were than he had. They believed their flashing signs, too. They ought to be standing up and shouting, "This isn't me! This isn't me!" They would if they had any decency. "This isn't me!" Then you might know how to proceed through the flashing bullshit of this world.


Well at least they're not made out of lead

USED condoms are being recycled into hair bands in southern China and selling well in local markets and beauty salons.

But they could spread the sexually transmittable diseases the condoms were originally meant to prevent, state media said today.

Rubber hair bands had been found in local markets and beauty salons in Dongguan and Guangzhou cities in southern Guangdong province, China Daily newspaper said.

"These cheap and colourful rubber bands and hair ties sell well ... threatening the health of local people," it said.

Despite being recycled, the hair bands could still contain bacteria and viruses, it said.

"People could be infected with AIDS, warts or other diseases if they hold the rubber bands or strings in their mouths while weaving their hair into plaits or buns," the paper quoted a local dermatologist as saying.

A bag of ten of the recycled bands sold much cheaper than others on the market, accounting for their popularity, the paper said.

China's manufacturing industry has been repeatedly tarnished this year by a string of scandals involving shoddy or dangerous goods made for both domestic and foreign markets.


Exactly 9 months ago, it was Valentine's Day. Which of course means that today is my birthday. Apparently, pops was smooth like that.

Vandals - Happy Birthday To Me

NoFX - New Happy Birthday Song

Ah, I miss the days of pizza, cake, video games and cheesy animatronics. O Billy Bob, Billy Bob, wherefore art thou, Billy Bob?

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So, Friday night, me and Mark or Mark and I or whateverthefuck are watching my beloved Fresno State Bulldogs get their asses handed to them, when out of nohwere we got the following "OH SHIT!" moment.

I seriously thought dude was dead. Yikes.


Dude, you're getting a quesadilla

Next time you’re at Tortilla Flats and you find yourself wondering aloud to your dinner companion, “What ever happened to the guy who did the ‘Dude, you’re getting a Dell’ commercials?” don’t be surprised when Ben Curtis, the man himself, approaches your table and explains the tequila list. While guest-starring on Law & Order and acting in films like the upcoming Proud Iva, Curtis has been a waiter and bartender at the Tex-Mex spot for the past year and a half


Mad Doctor


Bush today:
"You can't be the President and the head of the military at the same time."
Article II of the Constitution of the United States:
The President shall be Commander in Chief of the Army and Navy of the United States


Squeeze Inn

It's not such a secret spot anymore, not with the freaking Food Network featuring it, but still not enough people know about the Squeeze Inn.

I'm a firm believer that the residents of the greater Sacramento area tend to overhype local establishments, but the Squeeze Inn is all that is promised and more.

In 2002, The Sacramento News and Review's Best Of issue listed the top 3 burgers as Nationwide, Squeeze Inn, and Ford's. So, being a fat-ass cheeseburger fanatic, I decided to take a Sacramento cheeseburger tour. Nationwide and Ford's were definitely good burgers, but the Squeezeburger was far and away the best burger I have ever had. I mean a cheese "skirt" of fried, sorta burnt cheese? That my friend, is what they serve in heaven.

I went Monday, and had to share:

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Wearing the ribbon

I know this is a bit late, but the whole Obama/flag lapel "controversy" reminded me of something, I just couldn't place it. Then it hit me. Leave it to Seinfeld to illuminate the ridiculousness of American political discourse.

Here is your guide:

Cosmo Kramer = Barack Obama
The Ribbon = Flag lapel pin
"Against AIDS" = "for America"
Cedric and Bob = Fox News

Swedish Math

I was always taught that $9.99 + $2.99 = $12.98.

Not at Ikea.

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Lance Hahn (1967-2007), R.I.P.

Sad day for punk rock. Lance Hahn of J Church has passed away.

I know most of you have never heard of them, but they were a very good band, one of the most prolific bands of the early to mid 90's punk scene.

Pretty much everything I've ever read about the guy paints him as an all around good guy, liked and respected by all. I've honestly never heard a bad word about him.

Condolences go out to his family and everyone who knew him.

My favorite J Church song:

Rest in peace, Lance.

Lance Hahn (1967-2007), R.I.P.

Sad day for punk rock. Lance Hahn of J Church has passed away.

I know most of you have never heard of them, but they were a very good band, one of the most prolific bands of the early to mid 90's punk scene.

Pretty much everything I've ever read about the guy paints him as an all around good guy, liked and respected by all. I've honestly never heard a bad word about him.

Condolences go out to his family and everyone who knew him.

My favorite J Church song:

Rest in peace, Lance.


Sportz R Weird

I've been watching sports my whole life, and I really can't recall a time when I've witnessed the things I'm currently witnessing. To wit:

The New England Patriots.

I've seen teams go 6-0 before, but never have I seen a team dominate like the Pats have to get to 6-0. I was a little embarrassed when the Patriots destroyed the Chargers, but now I see it's par for the course. I don't think they will go undefeated, but up to this point, I have never seen anything like the 2007 Patriots.

The Colorado Rockies

I could be wrong, but I don't think I can recall a team in my baseball viewing years winning 20 of their last 21 games. And if I'm wrong, I'm quite sure it wasn't at the end of the year and into the playoffs. What the Rockies are doing is unbelievable. My excitement for the Rockies is someone tempered by the fact that the organization wears it's Christianity on it's sleeve, and seems to think God gives a fuck about baseball, but hey, 20 out of 21, who you gonna argue with? But I must ask, if God is really steering the Rockies, why would he/she eliminate THE PADRES? You know, the team with a friar for a mascot?

NCAA Football

Appalachian State beats Michigan. Stanford beats USC. Every week is filled with upsets in the top 10. I highly doubt Ohio State, South Florida, or Boston College will finish the season unbeaten. I just can't remember a time when things were this topsy turvy in college football.

You know what this all means, right? Now that I've blogged it, the Patriots lose next week, the Rockies get eliminated, and Ohio State does go undefeated.


Note to self: Find a better hiding place

Or just never have a girlfriend.
A Chicago woman who became enraged after discovering her longtime boyfriend's stash of pornography shot and killed him in their South Side home over the weekend, prosecutors said.

Jeanette Strowder, 58, is facing a first-degree murder charge in the Sunday shooting of Jesse Martin, 54, her boyfriend of about 15 years, police said.

... On Sunday night, Strowder found CDs inside the home containing images of nude women and lost control, authorities said.

I hate Halloween

I've posted on why I dislike Halloween before, and this year is doing nothing to alleviate the hate.

At work, they've decided to "decorate". There is halloween shit everywhere. But, see, I don't work in an elementary school, a daycare, or anything like that. There are no kids here. Ever. Yet pumpkins and skeletons abound. I'm wondering if there's going to be some sort of halloween coloring contest.

Plus, the one thing I do want, CANDY AND LOTS OF IT, is no where to be found. Get your priorities straight, people!


The Chargers win, and I take full credit

Here I was blaming the coaching, the players, and any other convienebt scapegoat for the Chargers miserable start, when all along I was the problem.

See, the first game of the season, I was in Reno, and didn't really think about what I was gonna wear when I packed, so I ended up wearing some shirt of a band I liked while I watched the Chargers play. They won that game.

But for the next three weeks, when I watched the Chargers play, I wore a Chargers shirt to show my support. The result was three Chargers losses. And when I think to last year...was I wearing a Chargers shirt during last years playoff game against New England? Why, I do believe I was! I now realize that wearing your team's shirt while you watch them play is as big a faux paux as going to a Concert and wearing the shirt of the band you're going to see. You just don't do it.

So yesterday I abandoned the Chargers shirt in favor of a plain old tee. The result? 41-3 Chargers.

If you doubt my theory, it holds true for Fresno State as well. Three wins when I don't wear a Fresno State shirt, two losses when I did.

So, San Diego, I look forward to you going the rest of the year undefeated, culminating in your first Super Bowl victory. You won't need to acknowledge me, but we'll both know deep inside who deserves the credit.

Cheap Bastardedness

The three saddest words to a single guy with an Entertainment Book:



Why I Love Obama

Because more often than not, he talks like a rational adult.
An eagle-eyed reporter for the ABC affiliate in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, noticed something missing from Democratic presidential contender Sen. Barack Obama's, D-Ill., lapels.

"You don't have the American flag pin on. Is that a fashion statement?" the reporter asked, at the end of a brief interview with Obama on Wednesday. "Those have been on politicians since Sept. 12, 2001."

The standard political reply to that question might well have been, "My patriotism speaks for itself."

But Obama didn't say that.

Instead the Illinois senator answered the question at length, explaining that he no longer wears such a pin, at least in part, because of the Iraq War.

"You know, the truth is that right after 9/11, I had a pin," Obama said. "Shortly after 9/11, particularly because as we're talking about the Iraq War, that became a substitute for I think true patriotism, which is speaking out on issues that are of importance to our national security, I decided I won't wear that pin on my chest.

"Instead," he said, "I'm going to try to tell the American people what I believe will make this country great, and hopefully that will be a testimony to my patriotism."
Compare that to the response of the vapid, fake-patriot conservitive bed-wetters:
"It just shows you he's not ready for the big time," conservative Laura Ingrams opined on Fox News.

Said Sean Hannity: "Why do we wear pins? Because our country is under attack!"
Fucking simpletons.


Dear Old Spice

I know it sucks to be pigeonholed. Take James Gandolfini, for example. No matter how hard he tries, or what type of roles he takes, he will always be Tony Soprano. And Mark Wahlburg. He could win 20 Oscars, and people are always gonna say, "is that the movie with Marky Mark in it?" Is this fair? No. But it's life.

What I'm trying to say to you, Old Spice, is that you are never going to be hip. People are always going to associate you with their dad/grandpa. That's just they way it is. And really, is that so bad? You pretty much dominate that particular market niche. You are the Microsoft of the old man cologne product line. I'm sure there must be money and a certain level of comfort there, so why keep trying to be something else? And why would you want to be associated in any way, shape, or form with a noxious abomination like Axe Body Spray?

So, I beg you, Old Spice, stop trying to be "edgy". Because when I sit down in a diner, open up a magazine to read, the last thing I want to see is this:

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What a Bargain!

Saw this marked as a "Last Chance!" deal at the West Sacramento Ikea.

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You Stay Classy, San Diego

Holy Christ, what a shitty day to be a fan of San Diego sports.

The Padres, needing to win one out of two to make the playoffs, lose both, forcing a one game playoff against the Rockies, who have apparently joined the Phillies in selling their souls to Beelzebub. The Rockies historic momentum vs. the Padres' trainwreck. Color me not optimistic.

And then the Chargers. The shitty, shitty Chargers. They are now officially one of the worst teams in football. The offensive line blows. There's zero pass rush. The secondary is a joke. Norv Turner is a loser. There's all sort of infighting. Philip Rivers is completely gun shy.

And the play calling....jeeeeeezus. 2-yard passes on 3rd and 10? 20-yard passes on 3rd and two? Explain that to me. 1st and goal inside the 10 yard line, you throw four straight passes? When you have LT, who is cash money inside the 10? Have you lost your mind?

The Chargers are masters at ruining good things. We fired Bobby Ross after he got us to a Super Bowl, and then we fire Marty Shottenheimer, who got the Chargers out of they grave the dug in the post-Bobby Ross era. We cheap out on re-signing Donnie Edwards. We don't sign a veteran wide receiver. We get some re-treads instead of innovators for coordinators. The attitude seems to be that somehow those were minor things. Obviously not. The Chargers front office basically pissed on all the work that went into getting the team to where they were last year, and they still expect us fans to be grateful. Fuck that.

But firing Norv Turner now would be a start.
Fire Norv Turner now.


Are you shitting me?

With the Padres able to clinch a playoff spot, they have a one run lead in the bottom of the ninth. There is two outs, but the Brewers have a runner on second. The Padres have future Hall Of Famer and all-time saves leader Trevor Hoffman on the mound. One out. That's all the Padres need. And who would ruin the day and possibly the season for the Padres?


Well Tony Gwynn, Jr, to be precise. But to have the son of your franchise's greatest player be the one to stick it in your eye si just, well, weird.

This has been a really strange couple of weeks to be a Padres fan.

Get 'em tomorrow, boys.

Do we have to do this again?

Pretty early on in the 2000 presidential race, the discussion turned from policy to just about anything but policy. Basically, it was just an opportunity to mock Al Gore for just about everything EXCEPT his policies. The media was a key culprit in this childishness, and as a result, we got debates about Al Gore's clothing, his role in inventing the internet, Love Story being in part based on him, the way he pronounced and repeated "lock box", his facial expressions during the debates, and so on and so on.

The result of this foolishness, of course, was that Al Gore was seen as a clown worthy of derision and George Bush, amazingly, was portrayed as the good 'ol boy manly man Texas rancher who you'd want to "have a beer with," despite his northeastern roots and Ivy League education. And that ridiculous media created narrative had a large part in getting George Bush elected.

And that turned out very well, right?

So, I sort of assumed the media might have learned it's lesson, and we could could get serious about electoral politics. The 2004 came around, and we still had the same foolishness, but this time the majority of it was left to those who had a right: comedians. Yes, John Kerry could be long winded in explaining simple matters, and yes he was married to a ketchup heiress, but I don't remember harped on by the mainstream media as much as Al Gore's clothing choices and facial expressions.

In the meantime, Al Gore's image has been rehabilitated somewhat, mainly because he was right about, oh, everything he ever said. So maybe there is hope that this go around "serious" journalist will focus on issues. We have an unpopular war, a mortgage crisis, the dollar is losing its value, Osama bin Ladin is still out there, Russia seems to be backsliding into authoritarianism, Iran, North Korea, China, I could go on and on.

So with all that, can you imagine how silly it would seem if journalists started wasting space writing about trivial matters like, hmm, let me think of an example....let's say, Hillary Clinton's laugh?

Oh fucking kill me now.

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Fucking grow up.


Ohio State

When the fuck did Ohio State become "THE......Ohio State University"? A lifetime of watching college sports, and Ohio State has always been Ohio State. Suddenly everyone is referring to Ohio State as THE....Ohio State University. Give me a fucking break. Are you trying to lend some sort of class or credibility to the school? Well, you don't fool me Ohio State. You just make me hate you more. Sure whenever my school, THE...California State University, Fresno Bulldogs, plays you we get our asses kicked. But THE....University of Florida pretty much owns you. THE...fact of the matter is that you're a bunch of a-holes.



At Salon, Juan Cole lays out clearly everything I've been thinking about this Iranian nonsense.
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's visit to New York to address the United Nations General Assembly has become a media circus. But the controversy does not stem from the reasons usually cited.

The media has focused on debating whether he should be allowed to speak at Columbia University on Monday, or whether his request to visit Ground Zero, the site of the Sept. 11 attack in lower Manhattan, should have been honored. His request was rejected, even though Iran expressed sympathy with the United States in the aftermath of those attacks and Iranians held candlelight vigils for the victims. Iran felt that it and other Shiite populations had also suffered at the hands of al-Qaida, and that there might now be an opportunity for a new opening to the United States.

Instead, the U.S. State Department denounced Ahmadinejad as himself little more than a terrorist. Critics have also cited his statements about the Holocaust or his hopes that the Israeli state will collapse. He has been depicted as a Hitler figure intent on killing Israeli Jews, even though he is not commander in chief of the Iranian armed forces, has never invaded any other country, denies he is an anti-Semite, has never called for any Israeli civilians to be killed, and allows Iran's 20,000 Jews to have representation in Parliament.
The neoconservatives are even claiming that the United States has been at war with Iran since 1979. As Glenn Greenwald points out, this assertion is absurd. In the '80s, the Reagan administration sold substantial numbers of arms to Iran. Some of those beating the war drums most loudly now, like think-tank rat Michael Ledeen, were middlemen in the Reagan administration's unconstitutional weapons sales to Tehran. The sales would have been a form of treason if in fact the United States had been at war with Iran at that time, so Ledeen is apparently accusing himself of treason.


The Worst Song I Know, Too

I completely, totally, 100% agree with Idolator, this is my least favorite song ever.

Cash in, you hoser

Remember when you used to joke about Canadian money? Like when you'd get a Canadian dime or something?

Well, in another sign of how WONDERFULLY FANTASTICALLY AWESOME RAD GNARLY the U.S. economy is, the Canadian dollar is now equal to the U.S. dollar.

God Bless America

Man, what a disheartening, embarrassing couple of weeks to be an American.
  • Outrage ensues when Kathy Griffin, a comedienne, made a joke at the Emmy's, saying, "A lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus. This award is my God now!" Fox News went on and on about how wrong it is to offend Jesus, assuming a) everybody believes Jesus is Lord and therefore cannot be joked about, and b) that, supposing Jesus IS Lord, he doesn't have a sense of humor. The truly bewildering moment came when the offended ones made parallels to Muslim outrage over the Dutch cartoonist last year, like somehow that was an appropriate response which your faith should mimic.
  • Sally Fields sparked more right-wing bedwetting at the Emmy's for daring to say, brace yourselves for this venomous anti-American tirade, "Let's face it, if the mothers ruled the world, there would be no goddamned wars in the first place." Now, is that complete vapid, simplistic political rhetoric? Absolutely. Worthy of outrage? If you're a vapid, simplistic moron, yeah.
  • Then we have the fucking Congress. Last year, before the Democrats controlled Congress, Democratic Senator Jim Webb, Vietnam Vet, proposed a sensible amendment to a defense spending bill that simply states that is a soldier is stationed a year overseas, he or she is guaranteed at least a year scheduled at home. Needing 60 votes*, it was defeated, 56-41. This year it was submitted again, and with the Democrats in control of Congress...it failed again, 56-44. Fuck Republicans for being such dicks to the troops, and fuck Democrats for failing to gain even one more vote than last time. Way to flex those muscles!
  • In a WTF? moment, all of cable news was obsessed with it, the President was asked to comment on it, and the Senate actually took the time to pass a bill condemning it. What is "it"? A fucking advertisement. Holy Christ. And it passed 72-25! Your tax dollars at work. (Also, note to everyone, Petraeus is not Jesus Christ incarnate. He is capable of political manipulation. Or is a coincidence he's always on Fox News?)
  • The WAR WITH IRAN bandwagon continues to roll, fueled by absolute ignorance and stupidity. Anyone who understands the way shit works in Iran knows that President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is just a figurehead. HE HAS NO POWER. The mullahs have the power. Yet we keep reacting to everything Ahmadinejad says or does like somehow he's Iran's "decider". And then when he does try to use his figurehead position to possibly create an avenue for positive dialogue with the U.S., like laying a wreath at ground zero, we react like dicks, getting in a huff over the fact that our "enemy" wants to do something as evil as show some sympathy. The HORROR! Washington: It's called diplomacy. Someone opens a door like that you take it, run with it, and build on it. Unless of course you are determined to go to war no matter what and therefore cannot have your enemy showing any signs of decency. But that would be ridiculous, right? Right?....Oh. My bad. I forgot.
*Fucking nice how it's now normal to now need 60 votes to pass anything. When the Democrats tried to occasionally filibuster something, they were attacked for their "obstructionism" which threatened to topple the government. Now that Republicans are doing it, it's accepted as business as usual. Ain't that fucking grand?


Complete Oregon Recap

Okay, once again, I drove up to Oregon last week to see a football game, which in reality turned out to be more of a massacre. But now that I'm having an early midlife crisis and own a convertible, I figured the drive would be nice. I was correct.

The letter "O" is pretty much the symbol of the University of Oregon Ducks, the team I was going to watch my Fresno State Bulldogs play.

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So, the first ominous sign of what was to come occurred almost immediately after crossing the California-Oregon border. I looked to my left, and although the pic doesn't show it in all its glory, the clouds parted in almost a perfect "O" with the sun shining through it. Great. God is a Ducks fan.

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As stated before, I stayed in Grant's Pass, two hours south of Eugene, my eventual destination. I travel in class, and I'm happy to report Motel 6 still has the greatest bedspreads ever. You can keep your Marriot's and Hyatt's, and Hilton's. Motel 6 leaves the light on for me, bitches.

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I drank a lot, A LOT, of Dutch Brothers coffee. How could I not? Everywhere you turned you saw these stands tempting you:

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As I said before, there are no Starbucks in Grant's Pass, and I only saw one in Eugene. With out be too snobbish, I'll just say this was quite refreshing.

The other pleasant culinary surprise was that I managed to find San Diego style Mexican food in Oregon. Weird, eh? If you know me you know that one of the great voids in my life in Sacramento is the lack of a decent San Diego taco shop style burrito (San Diego burrito = lots of meat, salsa, guacamole, Sacramento style = little meat, lots of rice and beans). So I went to this place called Mucho Gracias, not expecting much. But when I saw an "Oregon Burrito" on the menu, I began to think it could be my lucky day. See, in San Diego, the California burrito (carne asada, potatoes, cheese, and salsa) is a staple. So I asked what was in an Oregon burrito, they answered carne asada, potatoes, cheese, and salsa, a smile creeped across my fat face. Hell yes.

As I left Mucho Gracias, I had to do a double take and run my eyes. Is, that a...no, couldn't be, wait...it is! What the hell?

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Skippers? When's the last time you've seen a muhfuggin Skippers?

So it was on to Eugene for the "game". The stadium looks pretty awesome as you walk up to it, enough to make a guy who went to lowly Fresno State awfully jealous.

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Here's an hour before kickoff.

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This next photo is important for three reasons. Since the zoom on my camera sucks, I will have to explain.

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1. The score, an hour before game time, is 0-0. This would be the highlight of the football game for Fresno State fans.

2. Sign for a store called Bi-Mart. They are all over Oregon. I have no idea what they sell, but the fifth grader in me giggles at the possible inventory at Bi-Mart.

3. The best sign in the world. It's for a hardware store called Jerry's. It reads:

"Better Head for Jerry's"

The Jerry's of the world could not agree more.

So the game. Here are the Bulldogs fans, representin', yo:

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Here's the rest of the stadium:

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Yeah, we were just a little out numbered. And the Ducks fans were well-dressed and loud. What do I mean by well-dressed? Well, Nike founder Phil Knight gives gobs and gobs of money to the University of Oregon, and the Nike influence shows in the quality of fan gear. The various Oregon shirts and gear were pretty damn awesome. Fresno State fans, well, we kinda looked like the founder of Payless Shoe Source was sponsoring us.

Nike vs. Pro Wings. Hmmm, that is actually a good metaphor for the game. It was pretty much over as soon as it began. Oregon was simply much too fast, so it was not a contest, so I won't really comment on it. Here's the one crappy "action" shot I managed. 52-21 Ducks was the final.

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But the trip wasn't really about the game. I mean it was, but it wasn't. I knew we would get beat (not that badly though), but it was a convenient excuse to road trip.

So it was back to California, fueled by good burritos, great coffee, and a lot of pee stops.


Holy shit, we're getting our asses handed to us.


I drove up to Eugene, Oregon to watch my Fresno State Bulldogs play the Ducks today. It's my first time in Oregon and, My God, what a shithole. It's so fucking ugly.

Of course, I'm kidding. The drive was beautiful and everyone up here is being so nice it's almost hard to root against the Ducks. So far, Oregon has been rad. It could use a few more trees though. Kidding.

Last night I stayed in Grant's Pass. Just a podunk town, but even it was cool. There is coffee EVERYWHERE, and none of it is Starbucks. I didn't see even one. Yet there are these "Dutch Bros" coffee drive thru's everywhere. Really good coffee and really friendly employees. Apparently it's a chain all around the west, but I had never heard of it. If you don't like Dutch Bros, there are about, oh, a billion other coffee choices, in a town of 30,000. None of which are Starbucks. Me likee Oregon.

Ok, I'm heading to the stadium now. I expect Fresno State to lose, but hopefully it'll be a good game and a good time. There will obviously be more later.


Gambling Reconsidered

So, my post last week about my misfortunes betting on football may have been a little misleading, and premature.

Reading it, I probably give the impression that I lost a ton of money and I have a gambling problem. Nah. I know I have bad luck, so it keeps me honest. So I make a ten dollar parlay here, a five dollar Super Teaser there, and some straight up baseball bets. My total amount bet came to $90, and that covered every single football game and most of the baseball games on Sunday.

And yes, my morning DID suck. I lost every single morning game. But at the end of the day, when I took cashed my winning bets in, I got back $102. So for all my bitching and whining, I ended up taking Circus Circus Reno for $12 bucks.

Ha! Look out Vegas, you're next. I'm gonna come drain your ass too, $12 at a time.


Sympathy Cards

What do you write in a symapthy card when they pass it around the office? Usually by the time it gets to me, a third have written "you're in my thoughts and prayers", a third "my deepest sympathies/condolences", and a third "I'm sorry for your loss". So I could join one of those teams, but really, how original is that to be the 20th person to write the same exact thing? I could just sign my name, but that's inadequately sympathetic and reeks of arrogance, like I'm signing an autograph. Or try to come up with something original, which is stressful, trying to come up with something poignant and not-cheesy. So basically, when a sympathy card comes my way, I get a frigging migraine.

Yes, I obviously sweat the small stuff.



One of my favorite bands, The Muffs, is on my MySpace friends list. So tonight, they post a bulletin that reads:

"Hey all, Kim and her husband Kevin is on Design on a Dime tonight!
They get their office redone and it is a hoot."


Since I first heard the Muffs, I have had a crush on Kim, so I have purposely never paid attention to or inquired about Kim's marital status because I DIDN'T WANT TO KNOW. But now, hope is dead, the future is bleak, and I feel like this:


Where in the hell did all these Charger fans come from? Where were they during the Ryan Leaf era?

I should not be allowed to bet. Ever.

Forever ever.

Came to Reno for the opening of the NFL season, and yeah, bad idea. At least in the a.m. If you want to get into the mind of how a loser bets on football, here ya go.

The teams that killed me on my parlays were the ones that I went with based on emotion, not brains. For example, I picked the Chiefs over the Texans. Sure the Chiefs were favored, but more importantly, the Texans released David Carr, who went to Fresno State, which is my alma mater, which means they would be cursed with bad luck for cutting a guy from such a prestigious university.

Texans 20
Chiefs 3

FUCK. There went that parlay.

Next up, Patriots vs. Jets. How can you bet against a team as good as the Patriots? Easy. They signed Randy Moss. Randy Moss is an asshole. Therefore, the Patriots would lose.

Patriots 38
Jets 14

Jerry, you're an idiot.

Finally, Falcons vs. Vikings. Easy one. The Falcons lost the dispicable Michael Vick, so they deserve to lose, right? Well, normally, yeah. But I just read some retarded article about how, when they lose an important part of their team, many teams rally around that loss and play better than if that player was still there. I should stop reading so much.

Vikings 24
Falcons 3

By the afternoon games, I had some food in me and was thinking a little more clearly. I won my afternoon parlay by taking the Chargers, Lions, and Seahawks. So that evened things up a little. Then baseball came and the Cardinals, Padres, and A's conspired to fuck me over.

So, next time I say I'm going to Reno/Vegas/Tijuana to "bet on some games", do not let me. Call an intervention if need be. I suck at gambling.

Also, people in Reno are friggin' sketchy.


Trader Joe's: Women are Cows

Saw this at Trader Joe's:

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Did I miss a memo? Is it okay to refer to tits as udders now? This is tit cream right? I didn't even know there was such a thing as tit cream. Or udder cream. What the hell is going on at TJ's?

Easy Answers to Easy Questions

Q: Which Iraq War Do You Want to End?

A. All of them.

(Apologies for stealing Atrioseseses gimmick)

That's My Bush

What an embarrassment.
President Bush had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day at the Sydney Opera House.

He'd only reached the third sentence of Friday's speech to business leaders, on the sidelines of the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation forum, when he committed his first gaffe.

"Thank you for being such a fine host for the OPEC summit," Bush said to Australian Prime Minister John Howard.

Oops. That would be APEC, the annual meeting of leaders from 21 Pacific Rim nations, not OPEC, the cartel of 12 major oil producers.

Bush quickly corrected himself. "APEC summit," he said forcefully, joking that Howard had invited him to the OPEC summit next year (for the record, an impossibility, since neither Australia nor the U.S. are OPEC members).

The president's next goof went uncorrected — by him anyway. Talking about Howard's visit to Iraq last year to thank his country's soldiers serving there, Bush called them "Austrian troops."

That one was fixed for him. Though tapes of the speech clearly show Bush saying "Austrian," the official text released by the White House switched it to "Australian."

Then, speech done, Bush confidently headed out — the wrong way.

He strode away from the lectern on a path that would have sent him over a steep drop. Howard and others redirected the president to center stage, where there were steps leading down to the floor of the theater.

Looting the Dollar Store

This article brings up an interesting question:

If you were allowed to take as much stuff as you wanted for free from the dollar store, would your cart look any different than if you went shopping and actually paid for your stuff?


To everyone who bought an i-phone and is now complaining that Apple dropped the price


Is Obama Black Enough?

I keep hearing this ridiculous question being asked on the news channels. I must be missing something. Is Obama black enough? Hmmm, let's see who we've elected (or, in some cases, who the Supreme Court has elected):

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Yeah, not being black enough seems to be a real big problem being elected.

So let me ask: Is Hillary female enough?

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Is Bill Richardson Hispanic enough?

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Let's cut the bullshit: the obvious question for a presidential candidate in the United States is if they are male enough or white enough. Sad but true. Not being white or male is a huge handicap, so quit pretending otherwise.


Such as, Bush needs a map, such as

Guess the country Bush is talking about:
"[T]he taxpayers and people from all around the country have got to understand the people of this part of the world really do appreciate the fact that the American citizens are supportive of the recovery effort."

"I come telling the folks in this part of the world that we still understand there's problems and we're still engaged."

"We care deeply about the folks in this part of the world."
If you guessed the "country" of New Orleans, give yourself a no-bid government contract.

Why would the President of the United States of America refer to New Orleans as that part of the "world" instead of "country"? Why would he say "American citizens are supportive" instead of "fellow" citizens?

I guess I shouldn't read too much into it, since, as we all know, Bush is a uniter and and not a divider. But it is still completely ignorant and creepy. Then again, that is par for the course.


Friends Don't Let Friends Powerpoint

Day 2 of the AG's conference and I cannot take it anymore.

It's 2007. So why does every powerpoint presentation I've seen look circa 1997? Enough with the cheesy transitions. Enough with the "cool" fonts. Enough with the sound effects. Stop with the "funny" videos that have nothing to do with the topic at hand. And um, black font on a blue background? In an 8 point font? Is your goal to break my eyes? 

Stop trying to entertain me. Present good information, and present it well. THAT will entertain me.


Stranger In A Strange Land

Being a self-professed liberal, working in law enforcement, which is overwhelmingly conservative, often presents ideological challenges that I have to get over. Overall I think I've done a pretty good job dealing with on the job Conservatism without alienating anyone. Furthermore, and I am shocked to say this, but law enforcement is a pretty good match for me.

So now I find myself at the Attorney General's conference. Basically, it's a bunch of cops. I am up to my eyeballs in cops.

The point of all this is that, until today, I was seriously considering shaving my head. Not bald, but that fuzzy, almost-bald thing. It would just be less hassle, and it's not like I have beautiful Fabio locks or anything. My hair is pretty freaking horrible to tell the truth, and the increasing grey isn't helping.

But yeah, a roomful of cops changed my mind real quick. I have done a 180. I am now committed to the full-on hippy Jesus 'do. After today's traumatic overdose of buzz cuts and mustaches, I may never cut my hair again. There was also an overflow of goatee. The only thing saving my goatee is the awful prospect of foisting my double chin on an unsuspecting, unprepared world.


Craigslist Find Of The Day

Browsing for a couch on Craigslist, shoulda known better.

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Hey buddy, that belongs in the Erotic Services section!


Religious Principles

It's not like I'd expect anything different, but...
ARLINGTON, Texas - A megachurch canceled a memorial service for a Navy veteran 24 hours before it was to start because the deceased was gay.

Officials at the nondenominational High Point Church knew that Cecil Howard Sinclair was gay when they offered to host his service, said his sister, Kathleen Wright. But after his obituary listed his life partner as one of his survivors, she said, it was called off.

“It’s a slap in the face. It’s like, ’Oh, we’re sorry he died, but he’s gay so we can’t help you,”’ she said Friday....

“We did decline to host the service — not based on hatred, not based on discrimination, but based on principle,” Simons told The Associated Press. “Had we known it on the day they first spoke about it — yes, we would have declined then. It’s not that we didn’t love the family.”
Your "principle", pretty obviously, IS hatred and discrimination.

Dick Cheney: Truth Teller

I'm not being sarcastic. Sure, it's from 1994, but I'm not being sarcastic.


Exhibition Football...

...is stupid.

Your team wins = so what?

Your team loses = so what?

"Hey, at least it's football, right?"


It's practice, and while I'm glad my team is practicing, I don't feel any particular need to watch it or become emotionally invested in the results.


5 things I'm currently stoked about

1. Koss KSC-75 Headphones
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If you have an iPod, or any other mp3 player and are using the headphones that came with it, you are making a huge mistake. They are absolute crap. For less than $20, these Koss headphones will give you sound comparable to a $50 pair of headphones. I recommend them to everyone. Read the reviews on Amazon, they are legit, and then type KSC-75 into eBay. Your ears will thank you.

2. Microsoft Zune

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I wanted an mp3 player that could play music and video. I did not want to become an iPod guy. Hello Craiglist, hello $100 Zune. I freaking love this thing. It's super easy to use, and I don't know why having the album art displayed makes such a difference to me, but it does. The screen is much bigger than an iPod, so watching movies almost matches my Dell Axim PDA. The Zune has generally been considered a failure for not selling as well as iPods, but that just means you can get a great deal on them if you look. My only complaint is battery life. Other than that, this thing is awesome.

3. Launchy

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Launchy is rad. Launchy is free. Once you install Launchy, instead of going to Start -> Programs -> Microsoft Office -> Microsoft Word to open Word, just hit alt-space to launch Launchy, type in W O R and Word should pop up. You can do this with any program, and even configure it to read your mp3 collection the same way. (http://www.launchy.net/)

4. Trader Joe's Chicken Enchiladas.

Quite simply, the best $1.50 frozen food you can get.

5. Pixie
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She's just too damn cute.


Rudy Guiliani in a 1994 speech:
Freedom is about the willingness of every single human being to cede to lawful authority a great deal of discretion about what you do.
Ain't that America?


Head Games

So, let's say...

You live in Florida. Bad.

You're a politician. Worse.

You're a Republican. Ouch.

You offer to not only give head to a dude in a park restroom, but to pay him $20 to do so. Hey, It's your life, who am I to judge?

That dude happens to be a cop. Uh-oh.

So, for a "Family Values" Republican, can't get much worse, right?

Must. Find. Way. Out.


Aha! Perfect excuse! Instead of being a hypocritical pervert, be a racist hypocritical pervert!
"This was a pretty stocky black guy, and there was nothing but other black guys around in the park," Allen, who is white, told police in a taped statement after his arrest. Allen said he feared he "was about to be a statistic" and would have said anything just to get away.
Of course, the Daily Show explains it better than I possibly could.


Deadspin has this post about AJ Gass, linebacker for a CFL team, who was suspended fro throwing another dude's helmet after an opponent put the crush on his "entire package". According to Gass, "People think I flipped out for no reason, but I took the ball crushing. He violated me." Indeed, AJ, indeed.

I only mention this because AJ Gass is a former Fresno State Bulldog and when I was at Fresno State he lived in the apartment across from mine on Bulldog Lane. He knew I was into punk and was always pushing some crappy SoCal band called Long Tall Sally on me, trying to get me to play it on my radio show. I didn't like them, but I appreciated the effort. Oh, he also made one of the most brutal hits I've ever seen live to break up a pass.

Anyways, AJ seemed like a good guy who didn't deserved to have his balls crushed.

So, be warned: Bulldogs will not tolerate having their balls crushed. You crush our balls, you get your helmet thrown. Them's the rules. Way to represent Bulldog nation, AJ.


You think YOUR boss is a dick?

Well, at least he hasn't shot you.

EAST POINT, Georgia (AP) -- The owner of a car dealership has been accused of killing two employees because they kept asking for pay raises.

Rolandas Milinavicius has been charged with two counts of murder in the shooting deaths of Inga Contreras, 25, and Martynas Simokaitis, 28....

Milinavicius, 38, turned himself in two days after the shootings and confessed to the killings, Popham said.

"As I understand, the employees were not really happy about the pay, and they had questioned him about it over the course of time," Popham said. "That morning he said he just snapped."


Tony Gwynn

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Well, today was the day.

Anthony Keith Gwynn is in the Hall of Fame.

(prepare for sentimental rambling)

From around 1984 to the day he retired, a large portion of my life consisted of the idol worship of Tony Gwynn. Mark had Lou Whitaker, Eric had Tony Armas, I had Gwynn.

Most of this time frame was pre-internet, so since I lived in Lemoore, 6 hours away from San Diego, I had no real access to anything live unless they played the Giants or they were somehow on national TV. Therefore, two of th biggest things in my life were: The sports section of the Fresno Bee to check the previous nights box score, and CNN Sports Tonight. Me and my friends tended to favor Fred Hickman and the porn star looking dude over the ESPN clowns. Sports Tonight came on I believe at 11:30 pm, at which point I should have been in bed.

Moving to San Diego and the internet of course changed all that. Stats were available instantly, and now I could actually go see my idol. Rarely did he disappoint. Even on bad, bad Padre teams he always managed to remain a bright spot. Game winning hits almost became routine.

I still think Tony should have been the MVP over Andre Dawson. Nobody agrees with me, and it wasn't even an issue at the time, as he finished 8th in voting. But c'mon, 218 hits, 36 doubles, 56 stolen bases (bet that shocked ya), and a .370 batting average? .370! Of course in 1994 he would bat .394 before baseball took a big shit on everyone. Even at .394 he finished 7th in MVP voting in a strike shortened year. So baseball writers have spent the last few weeks praising Tony, deservedly, but where were they when he was actually kicking ass? Huh? Huh?

Personal high notes for me were:

3) Tony soring the game winning run in the 1994 All Star game.

2) Getting to briefly shake Tony's hand as he circled the field after his last game at Jack Murphy...er Qualcomm. I told him he was robbed in 87. He looked confused. I guess I really AM the only one who believes this.

1) His home run against the Yankees in the 1998 World Series. That Yankees team was historically great, but for a moment, Gwynn's monster shot had all of us who drove to Qualcomm to watch the game on the Jumbotron thinking "we can do this". We couldn't, but I'll never forget that moment.

The low point was today. I had planned to be there for the induction ceremony, but things didn't work out. I should have at least went to San Diego, but that didn't even occur to me until yesterday. Doh.

Anyways, I have too many emotions about this whole thing for something as simple as a blog post. It's really weird to have the Tony Gwynn chapter of my life closed. Good tiimes.

Thanks Tony. And congratulations.

Oh, and by the way, screw you ESPN.com...this was the homepage earlier today:
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No mention at all? WTF?

Here is Yahoo! Sports:

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Congratulations Yahoo! Sports, for being my new sports news website of record.

Ron Paul Test

Hmmm. Let's see if it works.

Ron Paul.

Ron Paul.

Ron Paul?


Mitt Romney channels Ted Stevens

In case you don't already know, the internet is a series of tubes, not a truck, and apparently, YouTube is MySpace.

"YouTube is a website that allows kids to network with one another and make friends and contact each other," Romney explained. "YouTube looked to see if they had any convicted sex offenders on their web site. They had 29,000."

Un, no Mitt, that would be MySpace.

Hey America, how about only taking seriously those candidates who know what the fuck they are talking about?