Andy Griffith, Terrorist

Assured Destruction

Atrios nails what I've been feeling about scary evil Iran.
Regarding Iran, we have of course been here before. People start running around talking about how "serious people" all understand the "dire" threat posed by some country or other, headed up by the latest incarnation of Hitler. What should be done isn't quite clear, but serious people understand that something has to be done. Pretty soon all "serious people" understand that we must have the "courage" to "face the threat" with the appropriate degree of seriousness, and all proposals of "what we must do" which don't involve the blowing up of nontrivial numbers of people are quickly relegated to the "unserious" camp.
Now, if you still feel the need to "deal" with the "threat" of Iran, I give you a two word strategy: assured destruction. In dealing with the Soviet Union, who some might say was a slightly more formidible threat than Iran, we had MAD: Mutually Assured Destruction. MAD was us telling the USSR, Yeah, you may strike us, but fo' sho' we will strike you, and we both have enough weapons to make sure the other is utterly destroyed, so, really, what's the point? Now, I'm not gonna sit here and tell you that as a kid I wasn't scared as hell, thinking every roar of the jet engines out at Lemoore Naval Air Station was the beginining of WWIII. Because I was scared. But I'm here typing this, so I guess it all worked out.

Iran has no nuclear weapons. We are obsessed with not letting them get one. That's fine. More nuclear countries makes me uncomfortable. But war to prevent it? After the Iraq debacle? I don't think so. Just let Iran know, "Hey dudes, if you do manage to cobble together a nuke, I highly suggest you keep it holstered, because if you ever use it, you're X'd". So we start now to get other coutries, including Russia and CHina, on board with my AD strategy. And holy shit that will be hard. But once they are, well, we no longer have a problem, right? Yay, us.


Dear The News,

Please refrain from carrying stories about how Fidel Castro is "on his deathbed" or "near death". Just tell me when he's dead, okay? That would be swell. Thank you and God Bless.


Don't Blame Marty

This should become the San Diego Chargers official logo:

We really Romo'd ourselves against the Pats.

Now there's going to be a huge call in San Diego to fire Marty Schottenheimer. He can't win in the postseason, yada yada yada. It's complete bullshit.

Marty didn't drop passes left and right.

Marty didn't drop an easy interception.

Marty didn't fumble an easy punt return.

Marty didn't try and head butt a member of the Patriots after stopping them on 4th down.

Marty didn't fumble trying to return an interception.

Marty didn't decide to throw a lob pass under pressure.

Marty didn't commit a personal foul on a fucking extra point.

The San Diego Chargers, with Marty Shottenheimer coaching, should have destroyed the Patriots. But they lost. Not because of Martyball, but because of the players on the field making mistake after mistake after mistake.

Go ahead and make Marty your scapegoat. Kick him around, ask for him to be fired. It may make you feel better, but you're an idiot. Do you remember what it was like pre Shottenheimer? Do the names Kevin Gilbride and Mike Riley ring a bell? We were a shitty franchise, and now we're good. And we lost today because of stupid fucking mistakes against a team that is as professional and calm in the face of pressure as it comes.

You may not like the devil you know, but sometimes he's way better than the devil you don't, so be careful what you wish for. The Charger players know this. Unfortunately, I don't think the Chargers owners or fans do. Damn perfectionists.


Stating the obvious...

...but Glenn Beck is very stupid.

Via Media Matters:
While discussing immigration on the January 11 edition of his CNN Headline News program, Glenn Beck referred to his guest, former Rep. Herman Badillo (D-NY), as "an immigrant from Puerto Rico." Badillo was born in Puerto Rico in 1929 and moved to New York City when he was 11 years old. As Media Matters for America has noted, the Jones-Shafroth Act of 1917 granted U.S. citizenship to all residents of Puerto Rico.



I spent most of my teenage years worshipping Tony Gwynn. For some reason I have always favored contact hitters like Gwynn and Rod Carew over the sluggers who dominate headlines. It's not like Gwynn was not popular, but a contact hitter on the sorry ass San Diego Padres is not going to get the attention he deserves, so I had to constantly preach the gospel of Tony.

Keep in mind most of this was pre-internet, and since I lived in Lemoore, six hours away from San Diego, most of my relationship with Tony took place in the Fresno Bee box scores. Seeing what Tony did the night before was the first thing I did upon waking. Pre-internet, this was completely normal for anybody, man, woman or kid, who had a favorite player. For Mark, it was Lou Whitaker. For Eric, Tony Armas. I actually ended up moving to San Diego in large part to watch Tony and the Padres on a regular basis. It wasn't the only reason, I'm not that bad, but it was the tie breaker. During all that time of Tony worship, anyone else who follows baseball, knew this day would eventually come, but it still feels like it's "my" special day.

So, congratulations on your nomination to the Hall Of Fame, TG!

Now I have to figure out a way to get to Cooperstown for the ceromony...


Ass Whoopin'

Some final thoughts on College Football 2006-7.

Now that Florida put the final nail into the whole Ohio State - Michigan debate, will someone please agree with my thesis the the Big-10 is vastly overrated while the Pac 10 is underrated? I hate to play the "who beat who" game, but USC's losses came to middle of the pack teams in the "soft" Pac-10. Their non-conference schedule? No one came close to beating them:

Arkansas: 50-14
Nebraska: 28-10
Notre Dame: 44-24
Michigan: 32-16

I am NOT arguing that USC belonged in the championship game, they blew their chance (although I do think they'd beat Florida), I'm just asking for all of the "experts" to pay a little more attention to football played west of the Rockies. Your East Coast bias reeks of 1988. With scholarships being spread out more, more teams are competitive, and you need to get out of your traditional thinking.

Before tonights game I was going to predict a Florida win, due solely to the "experts" who had already given Ohio State the national championship. Man, is that shit irritating. Florida came into the season ranked #8, and lost only one game to a decent Auburn team. Yet, by the ways the "experts" discussed the game, you'd have thought that Florida was a 1-12 Division II school.

Also, while I find focusing on coaches pretty boring, Urban Meyer is the man. He kicked ass at Bowling Green and nobody paid any attention. He kicked even more ass at Utah, where in 2004 they pre-Boise State'd Boise State, going 12-0 and winning a BCS game. And two years later, Florida wins the national championship. He's pretty obviously the best coach in college football.


The Devil is a Muthafukkin Liar

What The Fungus?

John Boehner (R-OH), Republican House Minority Leader:
"What we really expect out of the Democrats is for them to treat us as they would like to have been treated."
Yeah, dude, right. Not that you actually treated Democrats fairly and respectfully, but thanks for acknowledging that they wanted to be treated fairly and respectfully. How's it feel to want?

While you were in power, you never bothered to think, "Ya know, we might not always be in power, so perhaps we shouldn't be arrogant douches."

This reminds me of those professional wrestling matches, where the heel is winning and acting like a complete preening asshole, but then the tables are turned, and he starts begging for mercy.

Fucking heels.



I think I just saw one of the best college football games ever. Yes, Ever.

Boise State 43, Oklahoma 42.

Score another bowl win for the Mighty, Mighty WAC.

Wow. If 2007 lives up to the excitement of day one, I'll be dead by 2008.

P.S. Smooth move, Fox Sports: "I'll let you go now, I know you have to propose to your girlfriend, who's standing right here, DOH I guess I ruined that."