buy my shitpile

Well, financial firms around the world are trying to get in on the shitpile bailout, you may as well too!

With our economy in crisis, the US Government is scrambling to rescue our banks by purchasing their "distressed assets", i.e., assets that no one else wants to buy from them. We figured that instead of protesting this plan, we'd give regular Americans the same opportunity to sell their bad assets to the government.

Let's see, I have:

• Student loan for an MA I have yet to receive.
• Zune.
• McGwire, Bonda, and Clemens rookie cards.
• Shamwow

The government needs to buy these off me at prices I determine, or the financial health of our country is threatened.

(Okay, so I don't own a Shamwow, and actually, I love my Zune)