Every year around this time people ask me what my Halloween plans are.
In a perfect world, my plans would be to pass out candy. Unfortunately this no longer happens because not that many kids seem to trick or treat anymore. Why?
BECAUSE YOU GREEDY BASTARDS FUCKING STOLE HALLOWEEN FROM KIDS!
I don’t even really like kids, but I’ll let them have Halloween. What the hell is wrong with you people? Does EVERYTHING have to be about you? Look, your costume is going to be stupid, you’re not going to have nearly the good time you think you’re going to have (although you will pretend to, and take pictures and post them on the internet to try and convince me how fun it was. NOT buying it.), and you will probably embarrass yourself.
So get your ass home and pass out candy.