Lemoore Photoblogging: Why I'm Fat.

Okay, so the title is misleading; I was actually in decent shape when I lived in Lemoore. San Diego taco shops and back problems are what led to my downfall. Anyways, so yeah, I went to Lemoore, my hometown, this weekend, and thought I'd give you a snapshot of my favorite places. Of course, they mostly involve food, hence the title.



Up first, my favorite burger spot in the world, White Top. White Top has been around forever, and used to be run by a German couple, Werner and AnnaMarie Amman (they sold it off a couple of years ago). Post-Seinfeld, Werner would become known as the Burger Nazi. Why? Well, rumor has it that during the lunch time rush, if you couldn't make up your mind, Werner just ordered a Quick Lunch (double cheese, fries, soda) for you and that was that. I highly doubt that that actually ever happened, but it was a nice story to tell people. Anyways, this is the place I fell in love with the concept of Dr. Pepper with crushed ice in a styrofoam cup. This weekend I learned the magic doesn't translate to Diet Pepsi. I ordered the Giant Big Top (2 patties, cheese, and ham), while Mark had to one up me and get the Super Big Top, which has three patties. Fucking show off.



Next up is the greatest pizza place on Earth: Me N Eds. This is the kind of place that you went to after every soccer and little league game, every birthday, every everything, and so you kind of took it for granted until you moved away and had to deal with inferior pizza. It's also the kind of place that had Astro-Blaster, which caused young boys to steal money out of their mothers purses so the could play all day. Not that I would ever do that. Right.



Now we head out of Lemoore into the booming metropolis of Armona, sarcastically referred to as "Aroma". Well in this shithole resides a true treasure: Raven's Deli. Raven's, for a reasonable price, will cook you up some of the best turkey or ham for Thanksgiving/Christmas, a blessing to lazy, no-talet cooks like me. The real thing Raven is known for is their beef jerky, which is second to none.



Onward to Hanford and Superior Dairy. Hands down, without a doubt, the finest ice cream I have ever had. Maybe someday I'll lose enough weight that I can actually have some again. Fuck it, I'm having some next time I go. Life is too short.

Okay, now for the funniest thing I have seen in a while:



Now, unless cow-tipping, racism, homophobia, and chaw are considered "culture", there IS no culture in Kings County. I guess this picture of a yellow shack in Armona with sign in a font designed by a fourth grader says all there is to say.

On the I-5 on the way home, I passed a sign which I must have passed 100 times without giving it a second thought. "Vista Point" it says. So, not in a hurry to get home, I decide I will finally check out this "Vista Point". Sounds pretty exciting, eh? Here is what I see:




WOW! A slight variation on the EXACT SAME scenery I've been looking at for the past two hours. Oh, plus the California Aqueduct, a glorified canal. GREAT. THAT definitely deserves its own exit.

And finally, the highlight of my trip, a conversation with Mark:

What I said: "Man I miss that apartment. Me, Amnah, and the canyon."

What Mark heard. "Man, I miss that apartment. Me, Amnah, and the Kenyan."