When did Alabama become Jurassic Park?

What the hell is going on in Alabama? I mean, this picture cannot be real can it? Those things are just running around the backwoods of Alabama? HOLY CHRIST! What's next, motherfucking C.H.U.D.'s are real too?

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MONTGOMERY, Ala. (AP) - Hogzilla is being made into a horror movie. But the sequel may be even bigger: Meet Monster Pig. An 11-year-old Alabama boy used a pistol to kill a wild hog his father says weighed a staggering 1,051 pounds and measured 9-feet-4 from the tip of its snout to the base of its tail. Think hams as big as car tires.

If the claims are accurate, Jamison Stone's trophy boar would be bigger than Hogzilla, the famed wild hog that grew to seemingly mythical proportions after being killed in south Georgia in 2004.


It's gotten to the point where I almost feel phsyically ill when I hear Bush speak. It's not so much that I know he's full of shit, it's so many people still can't see it.

So yeah, yesterday's press conference. Absolutely disgusting. Fearmongering at its best. I guess Bush thinks the most effective way to rule is to try and scare the shit out of as many people as possible. With his approval numbers, it's about the only card he has left. Over and over again he reiterated how American children were in extreme danger. Red alert!! Everybody shit your pants!! Very presidential, Mr. Bush. Of course, getting everyone riled with fear is just a way to promote his bullshit "fight them there so we don't have to fight them here" line. Of course it's crap, and Fred Kaplan in Slate state the obvious:
First, the vast majority of the insurgents have nothing to do with al-Qaida or its ideology. They're combatants in a sectarian conflict for power in Iraq, and they have neither the means nor the desire to threaten North America.

Second, to the extent that the true global terrorists could attack us at home, they could do so whether or not U.S. troops stay or win in Iraq. The one issue has nothing to do with the other.
Um, duh. Yet the perverse beauty of what Bush does is that if you state these obvious things, well then, you're not taking the threat seriously. And for the millions of people more concerned with Dancing With The Stars and American Idol than global affairs (understandable and justifiable when considering the I.B.S. which occurs when paying attention to the world), the sort of simplistic rhetoric Bush employs makes a certain sense. It's a wicked circle where the truth becomes unserious and bullshit becomes deadly serious.


Quote Of The Day

"The American people are understandably fearful about another attack like the one we sustained on Sept. 11, 2001. But it is the duty of the commander in chief to lead the country away from the grip of fear, not into its grasp."
Charles C. Krulak (commandant of the Marine Corps, 1995 to 1999) and Joseph P. Hoar (commander in chief of U.S. Central Command, 1991 to 1994) in today's Washington Post.


Ugly Little Charlatan

Christopher Hitchens confounds me.

A few days ago, he wrote a full of shit piece for Slate in which he called the "attacks" against Shaha Riza "the nastiest and dirtiest and cheapest campaign of character assassination I have ever seen." The offense seems to be that people are calling her Paul Wolfowitz' "girlfriend", when she is in fact his "partner". WOW.

I have yet to see anyone call Riza unqualified or anything less than brilliant, yet Hitchens acts like she's the lightning rod of the story. She's not, it's Wolfowitz' actions that are the problem. It's the Wolfowitz, stupid.

It's typical Hitch of late: confuse the issue. Focus on any petty slights rather than the actual issue, and do so as arrogantly and hyperbolic as possible. . It's why I can't stand the man.

But then Jerry Falwell dies, enter the Hitch of old, who I loved.

• Cooper: Christopher, I'm not sure if you believe in heaven, but, if you do, do you think Jerry Falwell is in it?

Hitchens: No. And I think it's a pity there isn't a hell for him to go to.

• Hitchens: "The empty life of this ugly little charlatan proves only one thing, that you can get away with the most extraordinary offenses to morality and to truth in this country if you will just get yourself called reverend. Who would, even at your network, have invited on such a little toad to tell us that the attacks of September 11 were the result of our sinfulness and were God's punishment if they hadn't got some kind of clerical qualification? People like that should be out in the street, shouting and hollering with a cardboard sign and selling pencils from a cup."

• Hitchens: "...[T]he country suffers, to a considerable extent, from paying too much, by way of compliment, to anyone who can describe themselves as a person of faith: Jimmy Swaggart, Ted Haggard, Chaucerian frauds, people who are simply pickpockets..."

• Cooper: Do you believe he believed what he spoke?

Hitchens: Of course not. He woke up every morning, as I say, pinching his chubby little flanks and thinking, I have got away with it again.

Cooper: You think he was a complete fraud, really?

Hitchens: Yes.

Cooper: You don't believe that, I mean, in his reading of the Bible, you don't think he was sincere in his—whether you agree or not with his reading of the Bible—you don't think he was sincere in what he spoke?

Hitchens: No. I think he was a conscious charlatan and bully and fraud. And I think, if he read the Bible at all—and I would doubt that he could actually read any long book of—at all—that he did so only in the most hucksterish, as we say, Bible-punding way.
It was nice to see you again, Hitchens I Agree With, if only for a moment.


Sopranos Product Placement

On last nights Sopranos, there's a scene where Tony and Christopher are driving back from a meet with Phil Leotardo. Christopher pulls out a CD, which we very clearly see is the Departed soundtrack. Then he says something to the effect of "It's the Departed soundtrack, it's fucking killer. You got it?" To which Tony replies, "Yeah, it's good."

In the next few minutes Christopher rolls the SUV and is then suffocated by Tony. So I guess the whole Departed thing was blatant symbolism for the rest of the show. But I can't shake the feeling that Warner Brothers paid for this to happen. It was just too blatant. And yeah, it bugs me.

It'll be interesting to see if there is a resulting spike in CD sales. I hope Tony doesn't start shilling for Geico.

EDIT: This morning on Amazon, #45. At 5:20 pm PST, #18.


Lick It Up

The other night I had yet another bout of insomnia, so at 2:00 am I started watching Jerry's Life: 1985-1989 errr I mean Metal Mania on VH1. Cheesy fun for all, to be sure, but then for some reason I decided to actually pay serious attention to the videos. The next one up was Lick It Up, by Kiss. I've seen this video dozens of times, but apparently I had never seen the video. Mind: blown.

Video starts with the band walking down some post apocalyptic street. With purpose.

Curly hair girl pops out of a sewer, looking around, but looking for what? The plot thickens...

Another girl is shown. SHE IS WASHING A MF'ING MANHOLE COVER!! Should I be stoned while watching this?

Skulls litter the road, prompting Kiss, or at least their tight denim/leather and boot clad legs, to stop dead in their tracks.

The sewer women congregate around a fire, drinking mustard, water, soylent green or something. Lord only knows.

Cue to the Chorus! And the band sings along. Paul does his fey hip-rocking and finger snapping. How I didn't instantly peg him for gay the first time I saw this, I have no idea. But anyways, the sewer women take notice.

Note: Eric Carr's pale skin makes my white ass feel like George Hamilton.

Kiss now approaches the sewer women's above ground lair, prompting the question: why the hell are they in the sewers anyways if there is a perfectly suitable above ground lair?

Apparently Kiss wins them over, as they are offered, uh, seat cushions? and are now enjoying a fine meal of, uh, something (and mustard). They are drinking from the seat cushions. What the hell is going on? Paul Stanley has some sort of white goo on his mouth. Surprise, surprise.

As a reward for their hospitality, Kiss rewards the sewer women by rocking them like a tropical storm. Hips are swayed, fingers are snapped, tongues wag, and fires burn.

Sewer lady decides to pose with skull. End of video.

What any of this has to do with Licking It Up, I will leave to the scholars at Harvard and Yale.