Lick It Up

The other night I had yet another bout of insomnia, so at 2:00 am I started watching Jerry's Life: 1985-1989 errr I mean Metal Mania on VH1. Cheesy fun for all, to be sure, but then for some reason I decided to actually pay serious attention to the videos. The next one up was Lick It Up, by Kiss. I've seen this video dozens of times, but apparently I had never seen the video. Mind: blown.

Video starts with the band walking down some post apocalyptic street. With purpose.

Curly hair girl pops out of a sewer, looking around, but looking for what? The plot thickens...

Another girl is shown. SHE IS WASHING A MF'ING MANHOLE COVER!! Should I be stoned while watching this?

Skulls litter the road, prompting Kiss, or at least their tight denim/leather and boot clad legs, to stop dead in their tracks.

The sewer women congregate around a fire, drinking mustard, water, soylent green or something. Lord only knows.

Cue to the Chorus! And the band sings along. Paul does his fey hip-rocking and finger snapping. How I didn't instantly peg him for gay the first time I saw this, I have no idea. But anyways, the sewer women take notice.

Note: Eric Carr's pale skin makes my white ass feel like George Hamilton.

Kiss now approaches the sewer women's above ground lair, prompting the question: why the hell are they in the sewers anyways if there is a perfectly suitable above ground lair?

Apparently Kiss wins them over, as they are offered, uh, seat cushions? and are now enjoying a fine meal of, uh, something (and mustard). They are drinking from the seat cushions. What the hell is going on? Paul Stanley has some sort of white goo on his mouth. Surprise, surprise.

As a reward for their hospitality, Kiss rewards the sewer women by rocking them like a tropical storm. Hips are swayed, fingers are snapped, tongues wag, and fires burn.

Sewer lady decides to pose with skull. End of video.

What any of this has to do with Licking It Up, I will leave to the scholars at Harvard and Yale.