monday's suck. so here.

You're welcome.

spazz / monster x split (1996 reservoir)

I bought this for the Spazz side, which is of course excellent, but Monster X is a quite capable powerviolence band themselves. More Cookie Monster-ish in the vocals than I usually dig, but what the hell, it works.
  1. Spazz - Crop Circles
  2. Spazz - Gas X
  3. Spazz - Jean Claude Bland Dan In A Steel Cage Match With Mean Steve Segal For The Title Of Crowned King Of Hilfiger Apparel : WWF Style
  4. Spazz - War in the Head (7 Seconds)
  5. Spazz - Elder Mutant Stomp
  6. Monster X - Tolerance
  7. Monster X - Your Mistake (Negative Approach)
  8. Monster X - Hand of Power
  9. Monster X - Chained for life



twitter? more like qwitter, amirite?

A pattern seems to be developing.
Palin had announced on Twitter that she would be running the 5k race organized by the Benton-Franklin Chapter of the Red Cross.

She didn’t finish the race, opting to leave the course early to avoid more crowds at the end. About 40 minutes into the run, word started trickling out to people gathered at the finish line that she was gone.
I guess, technically, she did run. She just didn't finish. She, um, er, quit.


gift ideas for the one you love

This is for reals, by the way. Thanks, SC.

Each piece is an original, one of a kind hand sculpted image of its owner to remind her that regardless of what the world and the people in it may tell her: she is beautiful.

After purchasing you can e-mail 2-3 photos of your Yoni to: VulvaLoveLovely [!at] Gmail.com. Please include chain choice: Antique copper or gunmetal (shown in the final photo) in the 'message to seller' section at checkout.

The pendant on this necklace will measure about 1.6" x 1" and will be hung on a 17.5" chain. Each pendant will be coated in a protective satin glaze.

If you are not comfortable sending pictures you also have to option of sending me a description of your Yoni.

In your description please include:
*The shape of your inner and outer labia
*how much or how little your inner labia extend out from your outer labia
*how well hidden your clitoris is, is it heavily hooded or can you see it fairly easily?

one eye open - boobs: the incomplete set (1996 too many)

The always weird One Eye Open doing TV themes and commercials. Brilliant!
  1. The Muppet Show
  2. George Of The Jungle
  3. Irish Spring
  4. Saved By The Bell
  5. The Young Ones
  6. Greatest American Hero
  7. Wonder Woman
  8. WKRP
  9. Honeycomb
  10. One Day At A Time
  11. Kibbles 'N' Bits
  12. Laverne & Shirley
  13. Three's Company


la fachada

Carne asada, carnitas, y pastor.

twenty years

My mom passed away 20 years ago today. So, like every year, in the midst of all the being thankful for what we have, my family is forced to deal with what we don't have. So I'm thinking about Mom, and I'm thinking about Mom at Thanksgiving.

My mom was a German immigrant, but she was especially proud to be a US citizen. So you'd have to forgive her for the horrendous red, white, and blue polyester pant suits she wore, especially around the Fourth of July. At Thanksgiving, with everyone around, she loved to brag about how, unlike most natural born citizens, she could name all 50 state capitols. Except that she, uh, didn't know them. But that wouldn't stop her from daring us to challenge her.


"That's too hard, give me another one."

She also told the same damn joke over and over.

Mom: "What's the capitol of Louisville....er I mean Kentucky"

You: "Ahaha - you just said it - Louisville."

Mom: "Nope. It's Frankfort."

It's no secret that my Mom was a drinker. And when she drank, she liked to sing. Here's a couple of her greatest hits:

My sis will remind me of more, I'm sure.

Drunk, sober, or somewhere in between, I miss you, Mom.

happy thanksgiving!

spazz / floor split (1994 bovine)

Classic split here. For my money, Spazz is the best powerviolence band that has ever existed. Floor is sounding a little more Cavity-ish in their sludge on this release than they do on their full length.

For your Thanksgiving listening pleasure, this includes Spazz's "Ghost Dance".

Tame the nation of savage men
Enslave them, name them "Indians"

Abuse their knowledge of the land
Destroy traditions of generations
Return their kindness with a gun
Exterminate tribes one by one
Break the treaties the can't read
Force them on to reservations
Spread disease, cut the rations
Ghost dance, manifest destiny
A crime against humanity

  1. S: All Urban Outfield
  2. S: Weedeater
  3. S: Bled Dry
  4. S: Closet
  5. S: No Room
  6. S: Ghost Dance
  7. F: Chelsea / Pigs



spitboy - mi cuerpo es mio (1994 allied)

If you're not familiar with Spitboy, "female hardcore band", while an accurate description, does not quite do them justice. There's power and anger here that sets this apart. I don't mean to imply that "grrl" bands can't be and sound just angry as the guys, but this is just on a another level - for either sex. 

  1. Removal
  2. Word Problem
  3. Touch 




lies and the lying liars who tell them

There's revisionist history, and then there's this steaming pile of bullshit.

"We did not have a terrorist attack on our country during President Bush's term"

Oh I get it, Dana Perino is a Time Cube adherent.

oh happy day

The best 80's punk band you've never heard of has plans.

These plans better include the West Coast.


the gr'ups - buildings are the purtiest trees i've seen (1993 duotone/zafio)

More East Bay gutter-punk-cum-hillbilly fairy tales. I posted the s/t EP a while back. You can find that here.

  1. A Lil' Lost
  2. Kali Is Yer Bad-Ass Mutha
  3. Snow White 
  4. Human Trash



sometimes the jokes write themselves

Ari Fleischer Tapped to Defend Inane College Football Status Quo:


Ari Fleischer Communications, a sports public relations firm headed by the former press secretary for President George W. Bush, has been hired by BCS officials to help remodel the tattered image of college football’s postseason system.

morons. pasty morons. there. i said it.

welcome to florida. now get the fuck out, asshole (1996 far out/stiff pole)

Split release from Far Out Records and Stiff Pole Records. All these songs are previously released, but they come together to make a pretty kickass little record.

My record does not have the cover, so thanks to South Florida Music Scene for artwork.

  1. Pink Lincolns - Sleeping Song
  2. The Gotohells - Beach Drive
  3. Crumbs - What Do They Know
  4. Against All Authority - Walking Revolution



waterfront - confusing the truth (1992 flatline)

This band is from SLC, and while their lyrics are not explicitly religious, they could be taken that way. They mention "the truth" a lot, stuff like that. I have no idea. It could be Mormon-core. It could just as well be straightedge, although in SLC the line between straightedge and religion is blurred. Anyhoo, this sounds like an early 90's Revelation release.
  1. Redefine The Time
  2. Taken By Illusion
  3. The Truth Overlooked
  4. Situation
  5. Addiction 


chargers 32, broncos 3

Excellent game. No real complaints here.

Game notes:
  • The Chargers are making far fewer mental mistakes than their opponents the past few weeks. This applies to players and coaches. Team discipline has been outstanding. 
  • Unlike Jay Cutler, I kind of like Kyle Orton. With his injured ankle, I have no idea why the Broncos kept throwing him out there in an unwinnable game. He gave them a spark for a bit, but should have been pulled when the score got out of hand.
  • The game was over when the Bronco's surprise onside kick failed. 
  • Even though he had fewer yards, I'm more encouraged by LT's performance this week than last week. He was consistently able to churn out 4+ yards up the gut. Offensive line deserves a ton of credit, obviously.
  • Offensive line was also great in pass protection. Unlike the last game against the Broncos,  Rivers did not have to worry about being sacked all the time.
  • Malcolm Floyd continues to impress. 
  • The secondary played great. Good to see Cromartie get physical and show he's not just a Deon Sanders wannabe. 
  • Also impressed with the Chargers ability to bleed the clock as of late. 
  • I never comment on River's excellence because it is so blatant. He's so consistently good that I'm shocked win he has a merely average game.  
  • All-in-all, most impressive win of the year. There were simply no faults. Hopefully they will remain focused and disciplined going into Chiefs week.
  • I've obviously (mostly) come around on Norv Turner. I can't really explain why the coaches and players have such cobwebs at the beginning of the season. But when a team is playing as good as the Chargers are right now, how can you possibly complain? 
  • What is up with the AFC West? Chiefs beat the Steelers? Raiders beat the Bengals? Any given Sunday indeed.


clint - stroking the pole (1995 dental0

You'll want to grab this for two reasons: 1) It's good, and 2) it's Efrem Schultz' pre-Death By Stereo band.Sound on this sucks. Might be the recording. Might be because I played the hell out of it back in the day. I make no apologies for my bad taste.
  1. Todd Help Me
  2. Do you Appreciate?
  3. Bully With A Badge
  4. Doug The Punk
  5. Lonleysville


the invalids - wiseguys (1995 second guess)

Positively Screeching Weasle-y. Santa Rosa's Invalids put out a full length on Second Guess which is pretty good, but for whatever reason, I think what they do works a lot better on 7 inches.

  1. Quantum Leap
  2. Three Chords
  3. Half Bad
  4. Wise Guys




phido - s/t ep (1990 vermin scum/tarantula seed)

Punk? Art-punk? Post-hardcore? Take your pick. Another band I know nothing about. I hear elements of No Trend (especially "Teen Love"). Good stuff by today's standards, great stuff by 1990 standards.
  1. New Song 2
  2. Another New Song
  3. Naked
  4. Stay

[thanks to pukekos]


the finest health care system in the world

Even as drug makers promise to support Washington’s health care overhaul by shaving $8 billion a year off the nation’s drug costs after the legislation takes effect, the industry has been raising its prices at the fastest rate in years.
In the last year, the industry has raised the wholesale prices of brand-name prescription drugs by about 9 percent, according to industry analysts. That will add more than $10 billion to the nation’s drug bill, which is on track to exceed $300 billion this year. By at least one analysis, it is the highest annual rate of inflation for drug prices since 1992.

willie loco alexander - you've got a hard time coming (1988 stanton park)

Willie Alexander's claim to fame was that he played briefly with the Velvet Underground in 1971.  His post-Velvet career continues until this day. This release is from 1988. Straight up rock'n'roll.
  1. You've Got A Hard Time Coming
  2. Larry Bird


chargers 31, eagles 23

Game notes:
  • Legadu Naanee justified the release of Chris Chambers.
  • Great to see LT get some space to run. Great job by the OL (and LT). 
  • Sproles was generally used properly and effectively.
  • BUT, yet again, a Sproles run on third and short. Have yet to hear a legitimate reason for these calls.
  • Names I barely heard mentioned during the game: Vincent Jackson, Shawne Merriman, Eric Weddle. 
  • The defense went into virtual prevent defense the entire second half. The drive that gave the Eagles their 23rd points, I don't believe the Chargers blitzed a single time.
  • The Chargers running game was better, but not enough to be relied on. On that 3rd down near the end of the game, I would have taken a shot at the endzone. 
  • Norv again outcoached his opponent. Some of Andy Reid's red zone decisions in the first half probably cost the Eagles the game. 
  • Did I hear Matt Millen say "gobble too much clock"?
  • Fox on DirecTV is atrocious. What is up with the sound and the dropped picture? It's 2009!


not creepy. nope. not creepy at all.


he's ben weasel, what can you do?

Mike Park: 
Ben has decided that he can no longer work with me and Asian Man Records. To be honest, I have no hard feelings and I only wish Ben the best.

Dude, if you can't get along with Mike fucking Park, it's time for some serious self-reflection.

sap / polio split (1996 satan's pimp)

This could have easily been released on AmRep in the early 90's. Both bands do some noisy hardcore with Cows and Jesus Lizard influences mixed in. 
  1. Sap - Destroy Mine 
  2. Polio - Macaque


things i did not know

If you're a sexually violent predator on parole, part of your terms are that you cannot masturbate.

Hedge was arrested for not fully disclosing his actions -- masturbating to women's volleyball on television and trying to masturbate to a photo of his female driver's legs, according to court documents -- to his treatment team, Gaston said.

I understand they want this guy behind bars. I get that. I support that. But yikes, outlawing masturbation? That's a lot to ask of a priest, much less a sexual predator.  Especially if watching women's volleyball. Especially if it was beach volleyball.

I just don't understand this at all. If you know someone is a sexual predator, would you rather have them masturbate or not masturbate?

eric weddle is a bro?

I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt because a) he's a Charger and b) he sounds nice enough in this clip, as long as you don't look at him. But the Skin Industries sweatshirt and the backwards baseball hat have me thinking one of my favorite Chargers just might be a douche.

the queers - look ma, no flannel! (1993 clearview)

Sort of a reunion EP, with original vocalist Wimpy. Way, way snottier than the later Beach Boys-influenced Queers. Excellent stuff. I thought these versions were collected on the Day Late Dollar Short CD, but I guess not. My copy has a couple rough spots, so if anyone has a completely clean version, let me know.
  1. I Like Young Girls
  2. Nuni In New York
  3. Wimpy Drives Through Harlem
  4. Too Much Flesh For Tulu
  5. I DIdn't Want None
  6. Nobody Likes Me


directv ads

roger sterling


When did Roger become the best character on Mad Men?

Um, always. He's far from likable (although between the womanizing and singing in blackface, he has his moments), but there's no other character on Mad Men that comes close to Roger. He's the one person that you must listen to every single word that comes out of his mouth. Mad Men writers have not wasted a single line on Roger.

clash of the titans

What movie have you seen more than any other movie? For me, it all harkens back to being a teenager and pre-teen with HBO, so we have contenders like Just One Of The Guys, Superfuzz, and Beastmaster,  which were pretty much constantly on in a loop. But the undisputed champion, the movie I have seen more than any other, is Clash Of The Titans. Yes, it was crap. But what else was I gonna watch? Quincy re-runs? It's A Living?

Anyhoo. Want to feel old?  Here's the original trailer.

Apparently, because Hollywood is just chock full of good ideas, there's a remake of COTT coming out in 2010. Here's the trailer:

So basically the movie is going to be just as shitty, but with better special effects. Just what the world needs. I feel obligated to go see it, or at least watch it on HBO a billion times, in honor of the original.

In any case, if it doesn't have the mechanical owl or the claymation version of Calibos, I will be crushed.





heaven on earth

novice brown - s/t (1996 sweet baboo)

I don't really know how to classify Novice Brown. Is it indie? Is it post-hardcore? It's not real aggressive, but it ain't real pretty either. Except that it's kind of pretty at times. Whatever. I like this, but I don't know a thing about the band.
  1. Gravity's Angel
  2. Newborn


new bomb turks - sharpen-up time (1993 bag of hammers)

"Sharpen-up Time" is in my top five songs ever recorded. Probably #2 ("Boxcar" is number one, if you care). If that song doesn't get you psyched up, nothing will.
  1. Sharpen-up Time
  2. Laissez Faire Stare


women, republicans love you

Such an inclusive party.
Rep. Pete Sessions (R-Tex.), the head of the Republicans campaign committee, caused a stir at last night's Rules Committee meeting when he suggested that treating female-related health conditions was comparable to insurance-company imposed restrictions on smokers.
"Why should a woman pay more than a man?" asked New Jersey Democrat Frank Pallone, according to the Courthouse News Service.

"Well, we're all different," Sessions explained. "Why should a smoker pay more?" he said before interrupted.

bareback grill

chickenhead - everything must go! (1993 4 1/2 Fingers/Recess)

This is one of those overlooked Florida bands that kicked ass over almost everyone else yet were never properly recognized. Member of Chickenhead went on to play in The Crumbs and the Stun Guns.

This was originally released on 4 1/2 Fingers in 1993. Recess Records reissued it in 1996.
1. Born To Lose
2. Smash and Grab
3. Burn It Down
4. Everything Must Go!
5. Short Fuse
6. Chickenhead Won The War




Easily my favorite non-local, national coffee.

chargers 21 giants 20

Wow. That was a very nice win for the Bolts.  Also, a nice realization that Norv is not the only dolt of a coach out there. Coughlin's 4th down decsions were downright puzzling. Have some balls! Plus he tried to throw a challenge flag on an out-of-bounds call, a challenge, that if it were allowed and he would have won, would have resulted in an incomplete pass. That five yard loss would not have been worth burning a challenge on. Jeez, Norv outcoached someone! A coach with a Super Bowl ring, no less.

The good:
  • The offense came up clutch when it had to, and won the game.  On that last drive, the drops stopped, the bad passes stopped, and the play-calling was excellent. This supersedes any criticism leveled below.
  • The defense came up clutch when it had to, and gave us a chance to win the game. For as long as they were on the field, they were clutch when it mattered most. 
  • While the sacks weren't there to show it, overall, the blitzing scheme was effective.
  • The secondary was 'meh' on passing game (which is always a bit of a challenge), but was really good when Eli Manning actually dropped back. As much as I hate Manning, he played very smart, and wasn't tempted to throw into good coverage. 

The bad:

  • The defense has to get more three-and-outs against ball-control offenses. It's not like they aren't trying, but Christ. They were on the field way too much. By the fourth quarter they were understandably exhausted. Fortunately, they bet, but never broke, and came up clutch when they had too. That's not always going to happen though. 
  • Along with that, in a game like this, the offense needs to sustain longer drives, simply to help the defense rest. I don't really know how you do that, with an ineffectual running game and receivers dropping passes, but it has to be done.
  • The dropped passes absolutely cost SD points. I thought in getting rid of Chambers we got rid of the drops. Guess not.
  • The fact the the Giants scored on the play masked yet another Shawne Merriman offsides. Dude!?!?

  • Trick play on a crucial 3rd and 5? If it worked, I'd be praising you, but it didn't. So, there ya go.
  • I like throwing down the field, but not on 3rd down. You need 8 yards? Get 9.
  • Sproles up the middle should hardly ever happen, and never in critical situations.
  • Jacob Hester should only be on the field during special teams.
Great win. Again, a week where I have no major criticism of Norv Turner.


jon beck? glenn stewart?

tancredo's kryptonite: the truth

Democrats could learn a lesson from this exchange between Kos and Tancredo. Nothing backs a bully down faster than a proverbial fist to the nose. 

Kos is refering to this:
As a Republican student activist Tancredo spoke in support of the Vietnam War. After graduating from the University of Northern Colorado he became eligible to serve in Vietnam in June 1969. Tancredo has said he went for his physical, telling doctors he had been treated for depression, and eventually got a "1-Y" deferment... 
In 1970 after Tancredo's student deferments ran out, he appealed his 1-A draft status, which would have put him at the top of the list for draft eligibility during the Vietnam War. Tancredo was then given a 1-Y status, which put him at the bottom of the list after he reported that he had been treated for mental illness as a teenager.

Markos hurt his widdle feelings, so he took his ball and went home. Boo fucking hoo.

automatics - makin' out (1996 mutant pop)

Awesome power pop/pop-punk from Portland, OR. "Makin' Out," the song, borrows heavily from the Buzzcocks "I Don't Mind".
  1. Makin' Out
  2. Let's Fall In Love
  3. No Big Deal
  4. Leaving Tonight


glenn beck is a crybaby

Plinky asks, "Who's the most obnoxious celebrity in headlines today?"

Wow, that's an easy one. Glenn Beck. I have no idea whether he believes what he says or not. I suspect he doesn't, he simply found that Ann Coulter-ish niche which pays very, very well. Feed bullcrap to idiots and watch the money flow in. There's no law against being disingenuous, but when you start making the Nazi comparisons, you've crossed a line, not only into obnoxiousness, but into a dangerous sort of buffoonery.

what atrios said

When your first reaction to tragic events is to consider how they might support your politics, it's time to go for a nice long walk.

that would be me

Drew Magary:
By the way, every league has at least one team that has a good roster, yet for some reason gets every other team's best performance every week. So they end up 1-7 because the schedule shit all over them, despite being in the top 5 in total scoring for the year or something like that. It's happened to you, and it's happened to me, and it makes you want to poison the world's water supply.
Yup. I finally got that elusive win last week, so I'm exactly 1-7.  The world's water supply is safe. For now. Just kidding, DHS/FBI.

opposition - s/t (1995 figure four)

Hardcore/metalcore from Massachusetts. Honestly don't know anything more about this.
  1. Pre-Packaged
  2. Second Sickness
  3. Unlinked
  4. Nine Minute Sleep
  5. Natural Man
  6. With One Less Life

Buy at eBay:


what a difference a year makes

November 4th, 2008: Barack Obama elected. Not everybody celebrates, but I sure as hell do.

November 4th, 2009: the despicable Yankees win the World Series. The world (outside of NYC) mourns.

That's quite a slap in the face on Barack Obama Day.


Here's a list of Presidents that have taken office since the last time there was not a Republican seated in New York's 23rd Congressional District.
  • Ulysses S.Grant 
  • Rutherford B.Hayes
  • JamesGarfield 
  • Chester Arthur
  • Grover Cleveland 
  • Benjamin Harrison
  • Grover Cleveland
  • William McKinley 
  • Theodore Roosevelt
  • William Howard Taft
  • Woodrow Wilson
  • Warren Harding 
  • Calvin Coolidge 
  • Herbert Hoover
  • Franklin D. Roosevelt
  • Harry S. Truman
  • Dwight D. Eisenhower
  • John F. Kennedy
  • Lyndon Johnson
  • Richard Nixon
  • Gerald Ford 
  • James Carter
  • Ronald Reagan
  • George H.W. Bush
  • William J. Clinton
  • GeorgeW.Bush
  • Barack Obama
You throw some Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin into the campaign, and suddenly a Democrat is elected. A lot of Republicans looked at a Palin-ite Republican and a moderate Democrat and chose the Democrat. I'm heartened by that. Democrats had a rough night overall last night, but I take solace that the Republicans that won did so by taking a moderate stance. 

The Erick Erickson faction of the Republican party is very, very loud, but also very, very small. Cable TV and the internet has distorted their influence, so if they keep trying to "take down" moderate Republicans, I wish them the very best. That just means Democrats will be elected.

f.y.p - guido, where are u (1993 dieselhead)

More FYP. Never a bad thing.

One-sided 7" featuring the classic "Red Light Special", a Sheep Squeeze cover ("Suck My Ass"), and an angry diatribe against metermaids that I think we can all relate to.
  1. Red Light Special
  2. Suck My Ass
  3. Kill A Metermaid (For Fun And Profit]

fighting cause - deadtown (1994 last resort)

*** So, Blogger Beta has this glitch where my "scheduled posts" are moving to "draft" and don't publish on time. This was supposed top be up yesterday. Sorry about that. Blame Blogger. So today you geta twofer.***

Man, I forgot all about this. Really good pop-punk from the hellhole known as San Bernardino. They were a staple on my radio show back in the day. If you're a found of Schleprock or Rhythym Collision, you'll probably be a fan of this as well.
  1. In The Dark
  2. Dead Town
  3. Just Another Attitude
  4. Media Speak



do you know what this lady is doing?


have a bad day?

fast forward

Something overlooked by both Yglesias and Kevin Drum in the discussion of why people with DVR's tend to watch commercials rather than skip them is that commercials as a whole have gotten a lot, lot better.

Don't get me wrong, I skip a Progressive ad as quick as the next guy, but I can't tell you how many times I've actually rewound in order to watch a commercial. Crazy, I know, but DVR's have forced ad agencies to step up their game, and a lot of them have.

boris the sprinkler - drugs and masturbation (original) (1995 mutant pop)

Way back in June, I posted a version of this that had two different songs on the B-Side. Well this version is the original, and does contain "Yeah Yeah" and "Yeah Yeah No". So get 'em both and be a collector nerd.
  1. Drugs And Masturbation (Extended Pacific Northwest Hit Novelty Single Version)
  2. Yeah Yeah
  3. Yeah Yeah No
DL 'D & M'

masked men

Preparation FAIL.
Police received a call Friday night that two men with hooded sweatshirts and painted faces had tried to break into a man’s home in Carroll, Iowa. When police stopped a vehicle matching the caller’s description blocks away, they were stunned by the men’s disguises. There were no ski masks or stockings pulled over their heads; instead, Matthew Allan McNelly, 23, and Joey Lee Miller, 20, streaked their faces with permanent black marker.

yay for good news

I was just thinking "they should do something about this" during my 10 minute commute from my house to the freeway, which is less than a mile away.

Frustrated with idling on major thoroughfares because the traffic signals don't line up? Green lights are in sight.
Transportation planners will spend $6 million to coordinate signals on some of the county's busiest and most congested roadways to reduce bottlenecks.


pixie's a punk

The pic doesn't do it justice, but the hair on pix's back was in a full-on mohawk.

halloween notes

  • I take no credit for the pumpkins, it was all SC. 
  • Ok, kids, pay attention. This is the Halloween script. 
  1. You:
  2. Me:
  3. You: Trick or treat!
  4. Me: My, what a [scary, pretty, neat, etc] costume!
  5. Me: ,Puts candy in your bag>
  6. You: Thank you!
  7. Me: You're welcome, have a Happy Halloween.

  • This means:
a) "Hi" is not an acceptable way to address me.
b) Saying nothing at all is also not acceptable. 
  • Wearing a costume is mandatory. 
I might let a non-costume slide, if you wear a goofy hat or shirt. But nothing at all, really? A ehole group of you, and not a costume to be found.
  • When I answer the door, you shouldn't have to get off of your cell phone to say "trick or treat". 
I don't think I'm being Andy Rooney in my complaints. But this was the first year in quite a while that I've got to pass out candy, and something I've looked forward to. We did our part. We bought no candy corn, no Dum-Dums, no SweetTarts. We brought our A-game: Reeses Sticks, Snickers. Sure, some of you were adorable. But on the whole, y'all did not live up to your side of the bargain. That was amateur hour. It was like in was the first Halloween ever and you guys were working out the kinks. Do you need a crash course in Halloween 101?

Step up yo' game.