Happy Thanksgiving

Hope everyone has a safe Thanksgiving.

Thanks to Mark and his family for having me over.

Dedication

Isaiah Thomas, coach of the New York Knicks, was upset with his team. So he threw them all out of practice.

A desperate Isiah Thomas kicked his entire team out of practice Monday. The Knicks' embattled coach was unhappy with their work habits.... According to a source close to the team, Thomas tossed his players off the court at their practice facility in Greenburgh after he became frustrated with their lack of hustle and focus. The players eventually returned but not until Thomas had made his point. It is unclear if the assistant coaches ran the workout, but the players were in a somber mood when practice ended.

Ah, brings back memories of my (allegedly) athletic days. The year was 198....fuck....7? 8? I don't know. All I know is it was sophomore year, and I was on the JV baseball team for the might Tigers of Lemoore High. We sucked, and we knew it, so we didn't take things as seriously as our coach probably wanted us to.

Well, one day, we are about to start practice, and our coach notices that one of our players is wearing a golf visor instead of a baseball hat and another is wearing ankle socks with stirrups. Yes ankle sock with stirrups. Coach fucking loses it. A bat goes flying and he tells us all to get the hell out of there. Practice canceled.

So we're in the locker room, shamed. A group of guys realizes what has happened and a discussions starts. "Hey guys, let's go out there and practice on our own. Show coach that we are serious."

Me, Mark, and a couple of other guys look at each other. Yes, indeed, this would be the perfect opportunity to show coach we care.

So we responded, "Fuck that. Coach said go home, so we're going home."

The Knicks are pussies for going back to practice.

The Burgundy Loaf

Apparently, in Taiwan, they get a kick out of eating while sitting on the shitter:



Hmmm, where have I seen that before? FRENCHIE!!!

What Would Jesus Pay?

CNN:

Abortion Punch

I've had this song stuck in my head since I heard it on a Strange Reaction podcast. It's simple, stupid, immature, crass, out of tune, and just plain wrong. In other words, I fucking love it.

The Facialz - Abortion Punch

Oh joy! There's even a video. I don't really follow the punk scene like I used to, so I'm really out of the loop. I kind of assumed it got taken over by the girl-pants-wearing emo kids, but various mp3 blogs have given me hope in the kids.

Madden & Michaels

I don't really care what you think about the Patriots running up the score, (personally I think it's rather assholish behavior, but it doesn't keep me up at night or anything), but the new conventional wisdom of "it's not the Patriots fault, it's the job of the defense to stop them", is fucking stupid. If they were in any way capable of stopping them, there would be no running up the score in the first place, right genius? But even stupider is hearing Al Michaels and John Madden continually try to defend it. They are bad enough as it is, and listening to them suck the Patriot teat makes Sunday Night football unbearable.

Cy, Bitches

Your National League Cy Young winner:

Why I bought a Zune

Apple is a muhfuggin cult.

A recent survey of NYU students found that 66 percent would forfeit their right to vote in next year's presidential election for year of free tuition, which actually seems low when you remember that a year's tuition costs a staggering $33,268 (not including room and board). Twenty percent would swap suffrage for an iPod touch.

American Pastoral

I finally read American Pastoral by Philip Roth. Took a while to suck me in, but once it did, it was amazing. Completely worthy of all the accolades. Plus, towards the end, is one of the best and truest passages I've ever read. Kindergarteners should be required to memorize this, as it's probably the best life lesson they could get.

How to penetrate to the interior of people was some skill or capacity that he did not possess. He just did not have the combination to that lock. Everyone who flashed the signs of goodness he took to be good. Everyone who flashed the signs of loyalty he took to be loyal. Everyone who flashed the signs of intelligence he took to be intelligent. And so he had failed to see into his daughter, failed to see into his wife, failed to see into his one and only mistress - probably had never even begun to see into himself. What was he, stripped of all of the signs he flashed? People were standing up everywhere shouting, "This is me! This is me!" Every time you looked at them they stood up and told you who they were, and the truth of it was that they had no more idea who or what they were than he had. They believed their flashing signs, too. They ought to be standing up and shouting, "This isn't me! This isn't me!" They would if they had any decency. "This isn't me!" Then you might know how to proceed through the flashing bullshit of this world.

Well at least they're not made out of lead

Awesome.

USED condoms are being recycled into hair bands in southern China and selling well in local markets and beauty salons.

But they could spread the sexually transmittable diseases the condoms were originally meant to prevent, state media said today.

Rubber hair bands had been found in local markets and beauty salons in Dongguan and Guangzhou cities in southern Guangdong province, China Daily newspaper said.

"These cheap and colourful rubber bands and hair ties sell well ... threatening the health of local people," it said.

Despite being recycled, the hair bands could still contain bacteria and viruses, it said.

"People could be infected with AIDS, warts or other diseases if they hold the rubber bands or strings in their mouths while weaving their hair into plaits or buns," the paper quoted a local dermatologist as saying.

A bag of ten of the recycled bands sold much cheaper than others on the market, accounting for their popularity, the paper said.

China's manufacturing industry has been repeatedly tarnished this year by a string of scandals involving shoddy or dangerous goods made for both domestic and foreign markets.

Older

Exactly 9 months ago, it was Valentine's Day. Which of course means that today is my birthday. Apparently, pops was smooth like that.

Vandals - Happy Birthday To Me


NoFX - New Happy Birthday Song


Ah, I miss the days of pizza, cake, video games and cheesy animatronics. O Billy Bob, Billy Bob, wherefore art thou, Billy Bob?

Ouch

So, Friday night, me and Mark or Mark and I or whateverthefuck are watching my beloved Fresno State Bulldogs get their asses handed to them, when out of nohwere we got the following "OH SHIT!" moment.



I seriously thought dude was dead. Yikes.

Dude, you're getting a quesadilla

Shocking.

Next time you’re at Tortilla Flats and you find yourself wondering aloud to your dinner companion, “What ever happened to the guy who did the ‘Dude, you’re getting a Dell’ commercials?” don’t be surprised when Ben Curtis, the man himself, approaches your table and explains the tequila list. While guest-starring on Law & Order and acting in films like the upcoming Proud Iva, Curtis has been a waiter and bartender at the Tex-Mex spot for the past year and a half

Nobody turned out to be clean

Mad Doctor

SMH

Bush today:

"You can't be the President and the head of the military at the same time."

Article II of the Constitution of the United States:

The President shall be Commander in Chief of the Army and Navy of the United States