Cookies. Mr. Magary and I agree on #1, but not much else. Here's the real list: 1. Chocolate chip (...

Cookies.



Mr. Magary and I agree on #1, but not much else. Here's the real list:



1. Chocolate chip (bonus points for oatmeal chocolate chip)

2. Peanut butter

3. Lacey's cookies from Text Joe's, either kind.

4. No-bake chocolate oatmeal

5. Milanos



Anything with a raisin goes to the end of the line. Why do people insist on ruining things with raisins?

The Ultimate Cookie Rankings Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we’re covering accents, WAGs, gym rats, poop, and more. Your letters:

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Okay, so I recognize that the reaction of some folks, particularly Mike Wallace, is no bueno. But I'm...

Okay, so I recognize that the reaction of some folks, particularly Mike Wallace, is no bueno. But I'm more heartened that these are the worst reactions: "Girls are pretty", "meh", "I don't care" and "not christian". That's it? In the big picture, that's awesome, and show's how far society has come.

The Worst Reactions To NBA Player Jason Collins Coming Out There continue to be plenty of positive reactions on Monday to the news that NBA player Jason Collins had come out as gay, but not all of the responses were supportive. Some players, coaches, and spor...

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justified

Of all the bullshit things Slate has ever wrote, this one ranks very highly:

Still, 1 in 10 Muslims in Kyrgyzstan, the politically tumultuous Central Asian country and former Soviet state where the brothers spent about eight years of their childhood, say that it is “sometimes” or “often” justified, the survey shows. Extrapolating from Pew’s 2010 Muslim population estimates, that means about 500,000 Muslim Kyrgyzstanis hold this view.

Is this supposed to be a bad thing? Because if I were to poll 10 Americans if the deaths of Iraqi civilians was justified in order to remove Saddam Hussein, I'd bet anything that number agreeing would be much higher than 1.

Finley thinks she's Zoolander or something...

Finley thinks she's Zoolander or something...







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Testing this Google+ to Blogger IFTTT recipe. If successful, I may simply start writing my blog from ...

Testing this Google+ to Blogger IFTTT recipe. If successful, I may simply start writing my blog from Google+





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drunk quack #chargers

The Chargers' Doctor Is A Drunk Quack. Why Haven't They Fired Him.

I don't know what is more embarrassing, Philip Rivers supporting Rick Santorum, or that the Chargers still employ David Chao?

I've been baffled by the Charger's loyalty to Chao, but hopefully this excellent Deadspin expose will force the issue. Very much worth the read.

easy questions demand easy answers

Q: Should Group Fitness Classes Stay Out Of Public Parks?

A: Yes. 

but it's early #padres

Padres again tied for worst start in franchise history.

I've about had it with the "it's early" bullcrap. Less than a month in, we're 8 games back, and there's no light at the end of the tunnel. All a non-Padre fan needs to know: we came into the season with Edinson freaking Volquez as our number one. That's all you need to know. Keep talking about the end of last year and forgetting the beginning of it (don't forget we had to clean house with Orlando Hudson and Jason Bartlett before the ship was righted). Unless some drastic moves happen now (year four of the Kyle-Blanks-is-the-future experiment does not count), seasons done, folks. We'll put some streaks together. Show promise. But we're not climbing out of this hole. We did virtually nothing in the off season, and here we are. Yet Josh Byrnes will get the benefit of the doubt because, uh, he's young? It would also be nice to have some dedicated position players and not keep plugging infielders in the outfield, third basemen to second base, and shitty pitchers and starting pitchers.

Also, reverse psychology is a thing. Go Pads!

should i move?

Not me,. This blog.

With the Google Reader shutdown, I'm kind of concerned the same thing will happen with Blogger. Plus, mobile support for Blogger is minimal, and I could be much more dynamic with something like Tumblr (I don't know much about Wordpress). A public Google+ page would be possible, as it seems that's where Google is concentrating their "social" resources, but then there's still the possibility of them pulling the plug a la Reader, Buzz, etc.

Any suggestions? If I moved would my vast audience of the two of you follow?

death to comic sans

So i'm trying to rename a bunch of pdf's. But on my HP laptop, you have to press the "fn" button plus the function key (f2 in this case). Kind of annoying. So checked if there was a solution, and found this:

I just realized "You write in Comic Sans" would have been a great Anal Cunt song title.

whoop-di-doo

Classic.

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
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windows ate

PC Manufacturers Say Windows 8 Has Driven Millions To Become Apple Users.

I've been a Microsoft apologist for a long time. I had a Zune, and still argue it was a better music player than the iPod. Well, I don't argue - it simply was better, despite how much people liked to mock it. Besides my commodore 64, all I've known is Windows. Up until recently I had nothing but disdain for the Cult of Apple. This all changed with Windows 8.

Windows 7 is about the perfect operating system. Stable, fast, intuitive. So W8 would be even better right? I jumped at the chance to upgrade. Big mistake. Loved the fonts and styling. The whole tile thing, though? Cute, but provided nothing of value. I stayed in "classic mode" all the time. "But it works great for touchscreens," my fellow Windows apologists would say, completely ignoring that MY COMPUTER WAS NOT A TOUCHSCREEN. Then my network adapter would become unrecognizable to the OS. I had to re-install drivers every few weeks - since I didn't couldn't get on the internet I had to dig out an old laptop in order to download them. Then the memory leaks started. I thought I left these behind with Windows 98. But no, soon my computer was running at 100% capacity for no good reason. One day the computer restarted and would not load. It was toast. Had to re-installwi the operating system and jumped at the chance to revert to W7. No problems since. The only thing I miss is the design scheme.

While my computer was toast, the thought punishing Microsoft by jumping into the overpriced, trendy arms of MacBook, my sworn enemy, entered my head. So I can see why people would jump ship. I didn't. Going back to W7 did the trick for me. But what about my next computer? Well, I'm already eyeing an ASUS Ultrabook at Costco. My thinking is that my current computer came with W7 and just couldn't handle W8 (which, if the case, someone should have told me), and the ASUS was built as a touchscreen for W8.

Bottom line, I've been abused, but I'm going to stick with Windows for now. But those who jumped ship? I can't blame them.

people reluctant to kill for an abstraction

George Saunders, the greatest living writer, in a 2004 Slate piece. Worth taking the time to read.

Last Thursday, my organization, People Reluctant To Kill for an Abstraction, orchestrated an overwhelming show of force around the globe.

At precisely 9 in the morning, working with focus and stealth, our entire membership succeeded in simultaneously beheading no one. At 10, Phase II began, during which our entire membership did not force a single man to suck another man's penis. Also, none of us blew himself/herself up in a crowded public place. No civilians were literally turned inside out via our powerful explosives. In addition, at 11, in Phase III, zero (0) planes were flown into buildings.

During Phase IV, just after lunch, we were able to avoid bulldozing a single home. Furthermore, we set, on roads in every city, in every nation in the world, a total of zero (0) roadside bombs which, not being there, did not subsequently explode, killing/maiming a total of nobody. No bombs were dropped, during the lazy afternoon hours, on crowded civilian neighborhoods, from which, it was observed, no post-bomb momentary silences were then heard. These silences were, in all cases, followed by no unimaginable, grief-stricken bellows of rage, and/or frantic imprecations to a deity. No sleeping baby was awakened from an afternoon nap by the sudden collapse and/or bursting into flame of his/her domicile during Phase IV.

In the late afternoon (Phase V), our membership focused on using zero (0) trained dogs to bite/terrorize naked prisoners. In addition, no stun guns, rubber batons, rubber bullets, tear gas, or bullets were used, by our membership, on any individual, anywhere in the world. No one was forced to don a hood. No teeth were pulled in darkened rooms. No drills were used on human flesh, nor were whips or flames. No one was reduced to hysterical tears via a series of blows to the head or body, by us. Our membership, while casting no racial or ethnic aspersions, skillfully continued not to rape, gang-rape, or sexually assault a single person. On the contrary, during this late-afternoon phase, many of our membership flirted happily and even consoled, in a nonsexual way, individuals to whom they were attracted, putting aside their sexual feelings out of a sudden welling of empathy.

As night fell, our membership harbored no secret feelings of rage or, if they did, meditated, or discussed these feelings with a friend until such time as the feelings abated, or were understood to be symptomatic of some deeper sadness.

It should be noted that, in addition to the above-listed and planned activities completed by our members, a number of unplanned activities were completed by part-time members, or even nonmembers.

In London, a bitter homophobic grandfather whose grocery bag broke open gave a loaf of very nice bread to a balding gay man who stopped to help him. A stooped toothless woman in Tokyo pounded her head with her hands, tired beyond belief of her lifelong feelings of anger and negativity, and silently prayed that her heart would somehow be opened before it was too late. In Syracuse, New York, holding the broken body of his kitten, a man felt a sudden kinship for all small things.

Even declared nonmembers, it would appear, responded to our efforts. In Chitral, Pakistan, for example, a recent al-Qaida recruit remembered the way an elderly American tourist once made an encouraging remark about his English, and how, as she made the remark, she touched his arm, like a mother. In Gaza, an Israeli soldier and a young Palestinian, just before averting their eyes and muttering insults in their respective languages, exchanged a brief look of mutual shame.

Who are we? A word about our membership.

Since the world began, we have gone about our work quietly, resisting the urge to generalize, valuing the individual over the group, the actual over the conceptual, the inherent sweetness of the present moment over the theoretically peaceful future to be obtained via murder. Many of us have trouble sleeping and lie awake at night, worrying about something catastrophic befalling someone we love. We rise in the morning with no plans to convert anyone via beating, humiliation, or invasion. To tell the truth, we are tired. We work. We would just like some peace and quiet. When wrong, we think about it awhile, then apologize. We stand under awnings during urban thunderstorms, moved to thoughtfulness by the troubled, umbrella-tinged faces rushing by. In moments of crisis, we pat one another awkwardly on the back, mumbling shy truisms. Rushing to an appointment, remembering a friend who has passed away, our eyes well with tears and we think: Well, my God, he could be a pain, but still I'm lucky to have known him.

This is PRKA. To those who would oppose us, I would simply say: We are many. We are worldwide. We, in fact, outnumber you. Though you are louder, though you create a momentary ripple on the water of life, we will endure, and prevail.

Join us. 

Resistance is futile. 

bad idea jeans

Mixing NASCAR and the NRA at a single event - not advised. .

Yesterday during the National Rifle Association-sponsored NRA 500 at the Texas Motor Speedway, it was reported that a man died in the infield. Today, the medical examiner has determined the cause of death to be suicide. Kirk Franklin, 42, of Saginaw, Texas, shot himself in the head. 

quote of the day

"A sad old man who riles up hillbilly sycophants with lies for fame and profit."

unbeliebable

Justin Beiber - putting the 'douche' in "douchebag".

I don't know what's worse, the words that came from his idiot brain,

The Anne Frank Museum posted on their Facebook page a transcription of what Bieber wrote in the guest book after his moving visit, "Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber."

Or what he chose to wore and how he chose to act at the freaking ANNE FRANK Museum:

ronnie and mags

R.I.P. but not really. 

r.i.p. awkward family photos*

Sears Says Portrait Studio Operator Shuts Down at U.S. Stores 

...One company that operates thousands of locations in mostly Sears and Walmart stores announced it’s shuttering its shutters for good.

*Wifey's joke, she says I am plagiarizing all her jokes without proper attribution.

but doesn't everyone hate 'two princes'?

Matt Skiba explains why he hates the Spin Doctors' "Two Princes".

Why would hating this song and the Spin Doctors in general require any sort of explanation? I mean, it's not 'Butterfly', but it is one of the worst songs ever written. No one argues this, right?