I should not be allowed to bet. Ever.

Forever ever.

Came to Reno for the opening of the NFL season, and yeah, bad idea. At least in the a.m. If you want to get into the mind of how a loser bets on football, here ya go.

The teams that killed me on my parlays were the ones that I went with based on emotion, not brains. For example, I picked the Chiefs over the Texans. Sure the Chiefs were favored, but more importantly, the Texans released David Carr, who went to Fresno State, which is my alma mater, which means they would be cursed with bad luck for cutting a guy from such a prestigious university.

Texans 20
Chiefs 3

FUCK. There went that parlay.

Next up, Patriots vs. Jets. How can you bet against a team as good as the Patriots? Easy. They signed Randy Moss. Randy Moss is an asshole. Therefore, the Patriots would lose.

Patriots 38
Jets 14

Jerry, you're an idiot.

Finally, Falcons vs. Vikings. Easy one. The Falcons lost the dispicable Michael Vick, so they deserve to lose, right? Well, normally, yeah. But I just read some retarded article about how, when they lose an important part of their team, many teams rally around that loss and play better than if that player was still there. I should stop reading so much.

Vikings 24
Falcons 3

By the afternoon games, I had some food in me and was thinking a little more clearly. I won my afternoon parlay by taking the Chargers, Lions, and Seahawks. So that evened things up a little. Then baseball came and the Cardinals, Padres, and A's conspired to fuck me over.

So, next time I say I'm going to Reno/Vegas/Tijuana to "bet on some games", do not let me. Call an intervention if need be. I suck at gambling.

Also, people in Reno are friggin' sketchy.