Such as, Bush needs a map, such as

Guess the country Bush is talking about:

"[T]he taxpayers and people from all around the country have got to understand the people of this part of the world really do appreciate the fact that the American citizens are supportive of the recovery effort."

"I come telling the folks in this part of the world that we still understand there's problems and we're still engaged."

"We care deeply about the folks in this part of the world."

If you guessed the "country" of New Orleans, give yourself a no-bid government contract.

Why would the President of the United States of America refer to New Orleans as that part of the "world" instead of "country"? Why would he say "American citizens are supportive" instead of "fellow" citizens?

I guess I shouldn't read too much into it, since, as we all know, Bush is a uniter and and not a divider. But it is still completely ignorant and creepy. Then again, that is par for the course.

Friends Don't Let Friends Powerpoint

Day 2 of the AG's conference and I cannot take it anymore.

It's 2007. So why does every powerpoint presentation I've seen look circa 1997? Enough with the cheesy transitions. Enough with the "cool" fonts. Enough with the sound effects. Stop with the "funny" videos that have nothing to do with the topic at hand. And um, black font on a blue background? In an 8 point font? Is your goal to break my eyes? 

Stop trying to entertain me. Present good information, and present it well. THAT will entertain me.

Stranger In A Strange Land

Being a self-professed liberal, working in law enforcement, which is overwhelmingly conservative, often presents ideological challenges that I have to get over. Overall I think I've done a pretty good job dealing with on the job Conservatism without alienating anyone. Furthermore, and I am shocked to say this, but law enforcement is a pretty good match for me.

So now I find myself at the Attorney General's conference. Basically, it's a bunch of cops. I am up to my eyeballs in cops.

The point of all this is that, until today, I was seriously considering shaving my head. Not bald, but that fuzzy, almost-bald thing. It would just be less hassle, and it's not like I have beautiful Fabio locks or anything. My hair is pretty freaking horrible to tell the truth, and the increasing grey isn't helping.

But yeah, a roomful of cops changed my mind real quick. I have done a 180. I am now committed to the full-on hippy Jesus 'do. After today's traumatic overdose of buzz cuts and mustaches, I may never cut my hair again. There was also an overflow of goatee. The only thing saving my goatee is the awful prospect of foisting my double chin on an unsuspecting, unprepared world.

Craigslist Find Of The Day

Browsing for a couch on Craigslist, shoulda known better.



Hey buddy, that belongs in the Erotic Services section!

Religious Principles

It's not like I'd expect anything different, but...

ARLINGTON, Texas - A megachurch canceled a memorial service for a Navy veteran 24 hours before it was to start because the deceased was gay.

Officials at the nondenominational High Point Church knew that Cecil Howard Sinclair was gay when they offered to host his service, said his sister, Kathleen Wright. But after his obituary listed his life partner as one of his survivors, she said, it was called off.

“It’s a slap in the face. It’s like, ’Oh, we’re sorry he died, but he’s gay so we can’t help you,”’ she said Friday....

“We did decline to host the service — not based on hatred, not based on discrimination, but based on principle,” Simons told The Associated Press. “Had we known it on the day they first spoke about it — yes, we would have declined then. It’s not that we didn’t love the family.”

Your "principle", pretty obviously, IS hatred and discrimination.

Dick Cheney: Truth Teller

I'm not being sarcastic. Sure, it's from 1994, but I'm not being sarcastic.

Exhibition Football...

...is stupid.

Your team wins = so what?

Your team loses = so what?

"Hey, at least it's football, right?"

Wrong.

It's practice, and while I'm glad my team is practicing, I don't feel any particular need to watch it or become emotionally invested in the results.

5 things I'm currently stoked about

1. Koss KSC-75 Headphones

If you have an iPod, or any other mp3 player and are using the headphones that came with it, you are making a huge mistake. They are absolute crap. For less than $20, these Koss headphones will give you sound comparable to a $50 pair of headphones. I recommend them to everyone. Read the reviews on Amazon, they are legit, and then type KSC-75 into eBay. Your ears will thank you.

2. Microsoft Zune



I wanted an mp3 player that could play music and video. I did not want to become an iPod guy. Hello Craiglist, hello $100 Zune. I freaking love this thing. It's super easy to use, and I don't know why having the album art displayed makes such a difference to me, but it does. The screen is much bigger than an iPod, so watching movies almost matches my Dell Axim PDA. The Zune has generally been considered a failure for not selling as well as iPods, but that just means you can get a great deal on them if you look. My only complaint is battery life. Other than that, this thing is awesome.

3. Launchy



Launchy is rad. Launchy is free. Once you install Launchy, instead of going to Start -> Programs -> Microsoft Office -> Microsoft Word to open Word, just hit alt-space to launch Launchy, type in W O R and Word should pop up. You can do this with any program, and even configure it to read your mp3 collection the same way. (http://www.launchy.net/)

4. Trader Joe's Chicken Enchiladas.

Quite simply, the best $1.50 frozen food you can get.

5. Pixie

She's just too damn cute.

1984

Rudy Guiliani in a 1994 speech:

Freedom is about the willingness of every single human being to cede to lawful authority a great deal of discretion about what you do.

Ain't that America?

Head Games

So, let's say...

You live in Florida. Bad.

You're a politician. Worse.

You're a Republican. Ouch.

You offer to not only give head to a dude in a park restroom, but to pay him $20 to do so. Hey, It's your life, who am I to judge?

That dude happens to be a cop. Uh-oh.

So, for a "Family Values" Republican, can't get much worse, right?

Must. Find. Way. Out.

Thinking....thinking....

Aha! Perfect excuse! Instead of being a hypocritical pervert, be a racist hypocritical pervert!

"This was a pretty stocky black guy, and there was nothing but other black guys around in the park," Allen, who is white, told police in a taped statement after his arrest. Allen said he feared he "was about to be a statistic" and would have said anything just to get away.

Of course, the Daily Show explains it better than I possibly could.

Violation

Deadspin has this post about AJ Gass, linebacker for a CFL team, who was suspended fro throwing another dude's helmet after an opponent put the crush on his "entire package". According to Gass, "People think I flipped out for no reason, but I took the ball crushing. He violated me." Indeed, AJ, indeed.

I only mention this because AJ Gass is a former Fresno State Bulldog and when I was at Fresno State he lived in the apartment across from mine on Bulldog Lane. He knew I was into punk and was always pushing some crappy SoCal band called Long Tall Sally on me, trying to get me to play it on my radio show. I didn't like them, but I appreciated the effort. Oh, he also made one of the most brutal hits I've ever seen live to break up a pass.

Anyways, AJ seemed like a good guy who didn't deserved to have his balls crushed.

So, be warned: Bulldogs will not tolerate having their balls crushed. You crush our balls, you get your helmet thrown. Them's the rules. Way to represent Bulldog nation, AJ.