the literati sent out their minions...

Between a crazy busy job and a six-week old at home, I can't follow the news as closely as I like. So I've become pretty reliant on The Daily Show and Colbert Report for my news. I am aware that Newt Gingrich is having one of the most laughable weeks a "presidential candidate" has ever had. But on tonight's Colbert, John Lithgow read what was supposedly a press release from the Gingrich campaign.  It's an excellent caricature of a self-important politician who takes himself far too seriously. You can go watch it here. I'll wait.

That's some good stuff right there. After I saw it, I had to go to the Google just to make sure that Colbert was pulling my leg, BUT HOLY SHIT IT'S TRUE!!!! Here's the full text:

The literati sent out their minions to do their bidding. Washington cannot tolerate threats from outsiders who might disrupt their comfortable world. The firefight started when the cowardly sensed weakness. They fired timidly at first, then the sheep not wanting to be dropped from the establishment’s cocktail party invite list unloaded their entire clip, firing without taking aim their distortions and falsehoods. Now they are left exposed by their bylines and handles. But surely they had killed him off. This is the way it always worked. A lesser person could not have survived the first few minutes of the onslaught. But out of the billowing smoke and dust of tweets and trivia emerged Gingrich, once again ready to lead those who won’t be intimated by the political elite and are ready to take on the challenges America faces.

Best. (Worst). Press. Release. Ever.