Embarrassing Failure

This week Bush has trotted around the G8 summit making an absolute fool of himself, and since he is the President and all, making a fool of you and me. Do you know how stupid we look in the eyes of the world? Sometimes I swear I'm watching some sort of comedy, where Ernest, or maybe Leslie Neilson from The Naked Gun, somehow gets elected President and bumbles around the globe, making an ass of himself. But in that fictional movie, the jackass President would redeem himself, solve some major crisis, and win over all the skeptics. Ah, a happy ending. That’s why it’s called fiction.

So let’s recap the week.

Framing all of this is the fact that Israel and Lebanon (via Hezbollah) are teetering near all out war. Israel is bombing Lebanon, Lebanon bombing Israel, Israel bombs Gaza, and the spectre of Syria and perhaps Iran getting involved looms large. All this and the situation in Iraq is getting worse each day. So how would our President respond to this chaos?

First, when asked about the situation in Lebanon, a very serious situation, Bush keeps making stupid frat-boy quips about eating pork.

"I'm looking forward to the feast you're going to have tonight. I understand I may have the honor of slicing the pig," Bush told Merkel at the outset of their joint news conference in Stralsund, north of Berlin.

A few minutes later -- after discussing Iran, the Middle East, the merits of press freedoms in Russia and progress on the Doha round of free trade talks -- Bush returned to the boar.

"Thank you for having me," he told Merkel. "Looking forward to that pig tonight."

Bush answered a few more questions before wandering back to the boar for a third time.

"I haven't seen that pig yet," Bush said out of the blue. Merkel laughed and said she had seen television pictures of the boar and could verify it was dead, adding she hoped it was on the spit and ready in time for dinner.

Near the end of the 30-minute briefing, Bush fielded a question about the Middle East with his fourth pig rejoinder.

"I thought you were going to ask about the pig," he told a reporter, who then said he was indeed curious about that too.

"The pig?" Bush said. "I'll tell you tomorrow after I eat it."

Either he deal with stress with food, or he's taunting Muslims with his enthusiasm over eating a pig. Or, he has the mindset of a 14-year-old. In any case, embarrasing.

Second, Bush tells Tony Blair, "What they need to do is get Syria to get Hezbollah to stop doing this shit, and it's over."

Um, okay, but who is they? And if "they" is us, do you actually have a plan to make them stop? That's deep thinking there, George. "Make them stop". Do you plan on doing anything during this crisis besides smirking, giving simplistic advice, and making bad jokes?

Next, discussing what to do about Lebanon, Bush tells Tony Blair, "She's going. I think Condi's (U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice) going to go pretty soon."

You’re the motherfucking President, and you THINK Condoleeza is going PRETTY SOON? Who the fuck is in charge? Why haven't you already TOLD her to go NOW?

Finally, deciding he hasn't humiliated us on the international stage enough, Busg decides to give German Chancellor Merkel a massage. She, understandably, freaks out.

The scene, captured by a Russian TV camera, hit the Internet like a summer wildfire Tuesday, and it may be most memorable for the German chancellor's reaction. Bush applies his hands to Merkel's shoulders and neck while she's speaking with Italian Prime Minister Romano Prodi; the chancellor hunches her shoulders, then throws her hands up to stop the unexpected massage with a wan smile -- and an expression which can best be translated as "Ewwww."

Where are the adults? This is tragic. President Bush, you are incompetent, stumbling around the G8 like a reckless frat boy, acting like a jackass. Your incompetence, lack of seriousness, and lack of leadership now threatens the entire Middle East, and who knows what kind of blowback that will result in here in the future. You need to resign from office.