6.09.2006

Friday Shit List

A rundown of the things that have been tightening my jaws this week.

1. Axe Body Spray

I don't reallt get this, but I'm willing to be told I'm wrong. What is the appeal of Axe Body Spray? It costs $3.00 and is available at Albertsons. Is that sexy now? There's a reason no one under the age of 70 wears Brut or Old Spice. So why is Axe popular? That being said, I am a cheap bastard, and about the only think I don't skimp out for is cologne. But I'd rather pay $3 than $40, and the ladies like it, well hell, who am I to argue? So if I'm wrong, let me know, and next week I'll rave about Axe.

2. Hookah Bars

I have this same conversation with about one person a week, so if you've already heard my schpiel, move along, there's nothing to see here.

I know it sucks that America has no real culture to call its own, but you don't have to make up for it by stealing other people's cultures and trying to make them your own. Hookah bars are for Turks and Arabs, not Tad from Delta Phi. Hookah doesn't make you edgy or cultured, it makes you a culture stealing Ugly American. I'm willing to bet most of the honkies who frequent these places have an endless supply of "raghead" and "camel jockey" jokes. Yet when it comes to them trying to prove their hipness, all is forgiven. You want to prove how cultured you are? How about going out of your way to make some Arab friends?

3. The NSA and Myspace

Well, it's come to this. The National Security Agency, not content to tapping your phones and reading your emails, is now collecting information from MySpace pages. Now maybe your slutty-picture-posting-marijuana-bragging selves will start to pay attention. I'm already on the terrorist watchlist (no joke, but probably just another dude with my name messing it up for me), so I'm not to worried about it, although I do worry about Pixie's privacy being violated. Well at least the NSA can make a profile so they will get to take fun surveys, and be fooled into trying to get a myspace tracker and 20 top friends, and they'll start an NSA Myspace train with the FBI and CIA, and can post endless YouTube video bulletins, and check their inbox every five minutes, and meet for coffee with some random myspacers, and take pics of themselves, and fill their page with so much eye-straining, awful html code that everybody's browser crashes upon looking at it.

4. Edamame

It's fucking nasty. Stop pretending to like it.

5. Democratic But's

Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, the top al-Qaida operative in Iraq, was killed this week. This is good. Nothing but good. So I wish Democrats could wait one day, 24 hours, before the buts kicked in. "Yes, killing al-Zarqawi is a good thing, BUT...". Dude, there are plenty of legitimate "buts". But just wait a little bit. There's not a whole lot of good news coming from Iraq, can we at least have one freaking day before becoming a bunch of Debbie Downers? I'm NOT saying that there aren't a lot of buts, cause there are a shitload. But please, just one day, it's all I ask.
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