Fuck Geraldo

Last week, douchebag extraordinaire Geraldo Rivera had the balls to say, “in the last 35 years, I’ve seen a hell of a lot more combat” than John Kerry. Yeah, that John Kerry. Y'know, the Vietnam vet? Geraldo prefaced this with “Unlike me, he is a combat veteran, so he gets some props.” Some props? How about a Silver Star, A Bronze Star with a V for Valor, and three, THREE motherfucking Purple Hearts, you egotistical bag of liquid shit.

The last time I remember you seeing combat, Geraldo, you were getting kicked out of Iraq for giving away our troop locations out live on National TV by drawing a map in the sand.

Before that, in Afghanistan, you were caught lying about walking the “hallowed ground” of a location where three American soldiers had died.

Reported Geraldo: "It was just, the whole place, just fried really, and bits of uniforms and tattered clothing everywhere. I said the Lord’s prayer and really choked up."

One tiny problem: Geraldo wasn’t anywhere near the site of the fatal bombing. He transmitted his story from Tora Bora, hundreds of miles from Kandahar, where the friendly-fire tragedy occurred.

This rather humongous factual error was pointed out in a critical article by David Folkenflik, the television writer for The Baltimore Sun.

In response, Geraldo blamed "the fog of war." He said he had "confused" two separate incidents and actually had been at the scene where two or three Afghan fighters—not the American troops—had been killed.

Unfortunately, that version of the story hasn’t held up well, either. The Pentagon told Folkenflik that the friendly-fire deaths at Tora Bora occurred three days after Geraldo filed his initial report.

So, mustachioed one, spare us the macho bravado and go back to finding nothing in Al Capone’s vault, divorcing more wives, getting your nose broken by chairs thrown by skinhead-thrown chairs, and generally being the national laughing stock that you are.

Fucking idiot.