espresso nazi

So I guess when it comes to coffee, Giogio Milos is Il Duce. There have been recent articles at The Atlantic, and now this one at Salon, describing how Milos is horrified by what passes for espresso in America. I'm a bit of a coffee snob myself (Wifey would chuckle at the "bit of" part), but this guy has made me see the light, in the opposite way.

"A good cup of espresso has to be balanced between sour, bitter, and sweet,"

No, it really doesn't. It just needs to taste good to whoever is drinking it. Most of the time, the people drinking it are not those whose entire lives revolve around the proper notes of fucking coffee.

"Fifty percent of the result of a good espresso is in the hands of the barista. And if consumers can't recognize that, we lose." 

It's your fault, customer. How dare you enjoy that inferior espresso! Civilization? Ha!

It's amazing that these words are about to be typed by me, who's know to be : If someone likes something, let them like it. Just leave it be. Don't shit on their parade. Relax.

So actually, maybe I should thank Milos. Because until his ridiculous attitude towards coffee opened my eyes, I was (and probably always will be) that guy. You know the guy. You're a moron if you eat a steak at anything above medium rare. Same for hamburgers. You ordered a Frappachino so you are an idiot. You like Little Caesars pizza. I don't wanna be that guy anymore.

But before I change my ways, I want to offer my deepest apologies to you, Milos. Sometimes I use more than 8.5 grams of espresso. Mainly because I have no idea what 8.5 grams of espresso looks like. And I have no idea if my Saeco heats the water to exactly 200 degrees. Extraction times vary depending on how awake I was when tamping. I'M DOING IT ALL WRONG. Yet somehow, miraculously, I really like the result. Praise be.

(Irony alert: As I was writing this blog, I was having conversations telling people who liked Inception that Inception sucked, and people who liked Tosh 2.0 that Tosh 2.0 sucked, so uh, never mind)