Sports Gossip

I don’t know why more people, especially women, aren't into sports. After all, the vast majority of good sports stories happen off the field. It’s pretty the same as Hollywood tabloid gossip for men. You can keep your Britney, Jessica, and Tomcat gossip. I'll take sports. And this week has been a fantastic example of what I'm talking about.

You have a Jude Law schtooping the nanny?

I raise you a Paul Lo Duca (catcher for the New York Mets) cheating on his Playboy model wife with a 19-year-old.

Youthful insults!

“He’s fun – for an older man,” bombshell brunette Krista Guterman, 19, said of the All-Star stud, whose wife recently slapped him with divorce papers charging adultery.

Plus: Text Messaging!

She said that less than hour after leaving the bar, she received a casual text message from Lo Duca, telling her “hi.” She said they met again soon after, and he began calling her several times a week.

Special Bonus: MySpace!

The teen even dedicated part of her myspace.com Web page to Lo Duca – and posted a sexy photo of her perched on his lap at The Coyote bar in Island Park.

And, menage-a-troi imagery!

When shown a photo of Lo Duca’s Playboy-model wife, Guterman exclaimed, “She’s hot!”

Then we have Schizophric Ryan Freel (outfielder for the Cincinnati Reds) and his little buddy, Farney:

Ryan Freel said not even Farney believed that Freel made the stupendous diving catch on Albert Pujols Tuesday.

Farney? Who’s Farney?

“He’s a little guy who lives in my head who talks to me and I talk to him,” said Freel, acting as if he finally crashed into too many walls, ran into too many catchers and dived into too many dugouts. “That little midget in my head said, ‘That was a great catch, Ryan,’ I said, ‘Hey, Farney, I don’t know if that was you who really caught that ball, but that was pretty good if it was.’ Everybody thinks I talk to myself, so I tell ‘em I’m talking to Farney.’ “

And finally, we have the one, the only Maurice Clarett. Just a few years ago Clarett, as a freshman, led the the Ohio State Buckeyes to a national championship. Obviously he had a lucrative, promising future ahead of him. Since then, though, nuttin’ but trouble, trouble, trouble. And now this:

Maurice Clarett, already facing a trial Monday for robbery, is back in the Franklin County jail today under a $1.1 million bail after being arrested overnight for carrying a concealed weapon after a highway chase.

Mitchell said Clarett was found with four loaded weapons and wearing body armor. After being chased by police, his SUV struck a cruiser, and officers had to use Mace to subdue him. A stun gun was ineffective because the former Fiesta Bowl star was wearing a bullet-resistant vest, Sgt. Michael Woods said.

A half-bottle of vodka was found in the car

So you’re headed out to run some errands, get some groceries, whatever. You know, innocent stuff. Let’s see what do you bring if your name is Maurice Clarett?

Loaded assault rifle? Check.

One handgun? No.

Two handguns? No.

Three handguns? Check.

Grey Goose Vodka? Check.

Kevlar vest? Check.

“Compact disc of children’s songs recorded by Ohio prison inmates”? Che….WHAT THE FUCK??

I'm not making that last one up, either. It was in the SUV.

The story is actually sort of tragic. Watching someone's downfall at such an early age is never pretty. But there is one indisputably funny aspect to it. At the time of his arrest, Clarett was going to play in an indoor football league. The name of the team?

The Mahoning Valley Hitmen.

Ah, irony. Luckily for Clarett, Hitmen coach and owner Jim Terry has apparently seen some fucked up shit in his life.

The arrest will not affect Clarett’s status with the team, (Hitmen coach and owner Jim) Terry said.

“We gave him a chance and now we’ll wait to see what happens,” he said. “I’ve seen far worse situations than this.”

Okay, gossip-hounds, I admit, the sports world will have a hard time topping the likes of Michael Jackson, but always remember it gave you OJ, so show some respect.