norv turner is the long-lost duke brother

To fully understand my brilliant analysis, you first need to listen to this brilliant Patton Oswalt riff on the Dukes Of Hazzard.:


Okay, now replace all references to Bush/Cheney to Norv Turner, and pretend he's talking about football, not politics. I realize this is a lot of work to put in to understand my thoughts, but life's all about the journey, no?

Last year:
The Chargers start the season 4-8, with no realistic shot of making the playoffs. A disaster of a season. There's no way Norv Turner survives this. How's he gonna get out of this pickle.

Squid-bup-deed-da-dum-bowwwwwww....

The Broncos lose the rest of their games, and the Chargers win the rest of their games, miraculously making the playoffs. The definitely-to-be-fired Norv Turner becomes the definitely-NOT-to-be-fired Norv Turner.

Last night:
The Chargers go down 28-0 to the Steelers on national TV. They are getting humiliated on offense and defense. Oh, and they seem to not give a shit. All out there for everyone to see on national TV. It's not the first time the Chargers have shown up somewhere completely unprepared to play. For us Norv-haters, this primetime embarassment would certainly be casus belli for firing Norv no later than Monday morning. Out of this debacle, some good will come. No way Norv Duke gets out o' this bucket of syrup.

Squid-bup-deed-da-dum-bowwwwwww....

A flukey cherry pick for a touch down. A recovered onside kick. The offense finally shows up. The defense is still unable to get any pressure on Big Ben or stop anyone on third down, but the final 38-28 score is quite as embarrassing as the 28-0 start would portend, and thus Norv Turner,  will not be fired.

FUCK.